Being in recovery has allowed me to experience the true sense of belonging.
This is belonging to something bigger than me…yet at the same time being able to be me.
Some times in this life I have become part of certain social, political and even religious groups. This is where like minded thinking and sometimes conforming to ideas seems to be the fee of membership.
But in recovery – there are groups and meetings where I have learned not to judge another for their beliefs; be it political, religious or just plain outrageous.
I have learned that to belong also means to belong to myself.
I do not have to believe anything I do not want to…I have the freedom to feel how I feel… and express those feelings freely with other humans.
Clay (my 5 year old charge) and myself went on a walk in a new area on Tuesday.
He brought his bike and is so proud because he no longer needs training wheels.
We found a pond and a trail through the woods. Clay practiced riding off road and I walked behind him.
We approached a tree that was hollowed out in 2 spots…with a very friendly chipmunk living inside it.
First the chipmunk was on the bottom floor of the tree and we both said hello. And then it was like he wanted to show off his house. He ran to the top floor – eye level with me and he grabbed a piece of his food and started happily munchingbut looking right at us.
I was talking to the little fella – saying hello and such. Clay asked me “Do you want to pet him?” I said “I do…but I don’t think chipmunks like to be pet.”
So I carried on walking and he navigating on his bike. As we were moving we talked about how friendly the animals were in this forest.
And I swear to you birds were coming abnormally close to us. It felt as if nothing was afraid or disturbed by our presence there. We saw at least 13 turtles hanging out on a log in the pond. A hawk flew threw the forest trees maybe 10ft above our heads.
Did Clay and I believe this into being…or is it really just an over friendly forest!
Today is the day that the Grace of God entered my life…and I accepted it – 5/23/2010.
This picture was taken by my mom days before I entered into treatment for my drug and alcohol addiction.
The moment in time where I said “enough” was me stumbling on my front lawn trying to get my son off the bus…looking like this.
He wiping his 7 year old tears away from his eyes and saying “I got this” as he walked down the stairs of the bus.
From that day forward I have been blessed beyond belief with miracles in my life. I have worked at my recovery, I have been carried by the angels in heaven and on this planet when I thought I couldn’t do it anymore.
I have felt god.
I have connected purely with others. Dropping all judgement and loving unconditionally.
My heart and soul sing daily even when the outside world appears dark and grim…my soul still sings.