I nanny for a boy named Clayton. He is 5 and I spend most of my days with him.
Something I have noticed lately is that Clay LOVES when I love something.
I first noticed it with food. If we went to eat together he checks in with me before I have even taken the first bite to see if I like it. Or as he says “do you love it so much?”
On my birthday last September we both got soft serve ice cream cones. I had not had an ice cream cone in probably more than 1o years; I always get a dish. It was hot that day and the ice cream was drippy and soooo delicious.
Clayton brings up that day often. Reminding me of how good that ice cream cone was. He loves to say “it just hit the spot!”
So when he asked me yesterday what my favorite Christmas song was I had the joy of sharing with him “The Little Drummer Boy”.
I love the Bob Segar version and the Ray Charles version too.
We put the song on in the car and he just watched me. I started to tear up.
The conversation that followed was priceless. A lesson for me and hopefully for him.
We talked about the boy giving the King a gift from his heart. That there is no greater gift that can be given.
The boy not only played his drum for him…he played his BEST for him.
It feels like Clay is routing for me to love and play my best.
The other day I posted an account of a girl who was in a horrible situation and ended up safely at a recovery meetingLet it out 11/28.
This reminded me of something that happened to me when I was not even a year sober.
I had met a boy and his name was Jason. He had 9 months clean and I had 6 months. So of course we fell madly in love.
Unfortunately not everybody who gets clean stays clean. Jason sadly relapsed and it broke my heart into bits. It also deeply hurt my son who was about 7 or 8 years old at the time.
This particular day my son was not with me he must have been with his dad. I was alone in my house.
Jason showed up uninvited and high.
I did not let him in and I told him to leave. He wouldn’t leave. He proceeded to run around to the back of the house and tried to get in that way. He ran to the back glass slider and tried to force his way in…he was trying to break the glass.
I grabbed my bag and ran out the front door to my car. I got in the car and started to back out of the driveway and he chased the car and grabbed onto my side view mirror as the car was moving. My heart is racing as I am typing this.
It was horrible and intense. I was shaking and I drove straight to the police station in my town.
Thank god they were kind to me. They issued a temporary restraining order and then they went and looked for Jason. He was on foot…and they found him still in my neighborhood.
This part I will never forget.
It was a Saturday and as I was sitting in the police station filling out paperwork I looked up and saw the church across the street.
The time was 5:30pm and I knew that a recovery meeting would be starting there at 6:00pm.
I walked into that meeting shaken and in tears. I shared what had happened to me with shame and guilt and fear.
And then a man by the name of Frank (an old timer with many years clean) stood up…walked across the room and gave me a hug that I will never forget.
I landed safe in the arms of god, Frank and recovery.
At a meeting last night a young girl (maybe early 20’s) was sitting in her chair in tears. Her eyes were red and swollen.She looked defeated.
She gave me a half hearted smile and I cannot explain what I felt.
She raised her hand and shared that she wanted to kill her brother. She was not kidding.
She explained that she had just come from the emergency room and had 6 stiches in the back of her head. Her brother was now in jail but would be released on Monday.
This girl had been defending her mother. The brother had been abusing the mom for quite some time.
She expressed how guilty she felt that she hit her brother and that recovery has taught her not to be violent. She felt shameful because all she can do now is think of ways to kill her sibling.
This girl had not picked up a drug over the situation. She came to a meeting.
She was not defeated.She was starting to heal.
She came to a place where she could freely express herself and receive hugs and kindness without judgement.
They say a problem shared is a problem cut in half.
This brave girl shared her truth and all the souls in the room listened with love. This allowed her to heal enough… so that by the time she left the meeting she was no longer feeling homicidal or suicidal.
This leads me to believe that we all are WAY more powerful than we can even comprehend.