“what you resist persists “ – Carl Jung
Before I can change anything I have to be willing to accept it. I had to accept the fact that I was an alcoholic/drug addict before I could actually do something about it. They say “surrender to win” and Dr. Phil says “you can’t change what you don’t acknowledge.” Acceptance is the first step or the foundation for real change. Sounds counter intuitive but I get it now.
At first I really did not understand what exactly it was I had to accept or why I had to accept anything at all. My former belief system taught me if I did not like something than I should just muscle my way through and fix it, change it or manipulate it to “my” liking. This was before I realized that there are many things in this life that happen that are out of my control. (and thank god for that!)
Rather than a perspective of acceptance I had a very controlling type of mentality. This was a challenge and somedays I still need to be reminded to accept the things that I cannot change. No matter how hard I try, threaten, beg, plead or cry I cannot change another person. I might alter their behavior for a short time…but that is not change and more importantly that is not MY place in this life.
I used to fear if I accepted something that I did not like that it meant I was weak in some way. But in all actuality what I was really doing was resisting what is and causing stress in my own life. I was resisting people, places and situations in my life that I found unacceptable, which in turn caused more stress on me and no changes at all.
Today when I get the feeling that something is unacceptable to me…I feel it physically and I try to catch it early. I try to soothe my mind because I know it is my EGO that is telling me that things are not the way they should be because I would have done it differently. I say things like “everything changes and this eventually will too.” I also try to laugh at myself because I obviously know better than all the universal forces, higher energies and GOD of course!
I will also picture myself in a row boat…and if the thoughts I am thinking are heading me upstream it’s a struggle and a lot of rowing. But if I am in the row boat accepting everything the way it is with a peaceful heart then “row row row your boat gently down the stream; merrily merrily merrily, life is but a dream.” Acceptance is a much easier route!