shame and judgment -6/6

“for there is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it soShakespere

Having done some unspeakable things (or so I thought) while I was in active addiction I have dealt with feelings of shame and judgement. The hebrew origin of my name Danielle-Daniel means “god is my judge”. I like that and that rings true to me. I believe everything serves a purpose for the greater good whether I know what that good is or not at the time. I believe and have a trust today that everything serves a purpose. Or as my dad would say “there’s an ass for every seat.”

When I started to understand the reasons why people (myself included) do the things they do…then I became truly free. Any horrible action that I have ever taken has been based on one thing….FEAR. Fear to me is summoned up in two ways: 1) I am afraid I will lose something I have. – this can be why you lie to someone, hide your real feelings, try to manipulate or control situations, “pretend” so you do not lose the illusion of “respect”

2) I am afraid I will not get what I want.this can be where feelings of powerlessness, need, insecurity, instability & inner turmoil lead us to unspiritual actions as well. Some people resort to physically trying to take what they want.

Seeking approval from others has been one of my biggest reasons for living with fear. It was not until I was able to be honest with myself and others that the shame and judgement went to its proper place… a distant emotion.

Because today I understand my own horrible actions were based out of fear I can now look at others and understand why they do what they do. It frees me to be truly happy, which is ultimately what I am here to be. I am not wrapped up in judging others or myself. If and when I make a mistake today I can own it and be ok with it. And if and when someone may not treat me as I would prefer…that’s ok too…even if they don’t own it. That’s freedom!!

I need to write this : If you hear nothing else today please know – no matter what you have done and no matter what has been done to you there is no shame in learning from it, forgiving it and moving forward. Let the shame and judgment go…we are ALL humans who do shitty things. Who am I or you to be so hard on yourself or others. I am here to learn from you. And if you have participated in an act that you cannot or will not forgive yourself for…I am here to say today I forgive it, I don’t judge it and I hope you do the same for others in your life 🙂


Published by gracefuladdict

I am a true addict living my life one day at a time in recovery. I have been substance free -meaning NO drugs or alcohol since 5/23/10. My intention is to share my experiences daily in the hopes to free others from the fears of being who they truly are. My wish is to bravely tell my truth so others can tell theirs as well. I want to be free of self hatred and doubt. I want to live a life of joy, kindness, love and grace. Thank you!

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