Tonight as I write I feel uncomfortable. I am feeling uncomfortably human. I feel like my skin is stinging a bit and I could snap at any moment at any innocent by stander.
The beauty of recovery is the awareness of these uncomfortable feelings and the defects that accompany them. They are usually rooted in some form of fear or unacceptance of some sort. And I know all of that, but sometimes I just want to be human and act out on a defect or two.
Sometimes I just want to be humanly irritated, pissy, bitchy, judgmental, sad, hard on myself – I steer the boat right into that nasty storm and I don’t even care. Gratitude, harmony and contentment are far off islands that are not even on the radar.
I need a time out.
My spirit, the energy that connects me to my higher power remains kind and loving and full of grace. It will be there when I am ready to return and connect to it, without judgment.
I don’t pick up any type of drink or drug to feel any different, nor do I even want to. (miracle)
Thank you god.