I grew up in a VERY Catholic family. I went to Catholic school with the nuns and priests.
At one point my mom and dad were both Eucharistic Ministers, both of my older brothers were altar boys and I at the young age of 10, was a lector.
What I gathered in that upbringing was that god was a judge. He would let me through the gates to heaven only if I behaved a certain way.
If I misbehaved “enough” I was going to hell.
I was taught to live in fear on so many levels. Can’t make a mistake or I am going to hell and I will be shaking hands with Beelzebub himself.
Coming into recovery I became free. The others were practicing spiritual principles and not religious rules. I could eat meat on a Friday during lent and nobody cared!
I was free to develop my own understanding of God – it is a beautiful thing.
It has taken time…years to undo all of the previous mental conditioning.
GOD to me is pure energy that is the source of life. It is in everyone and everything.
It does not judge or discriminate. It creates and continues to create. It is inside of my “shell” my human body and is the eternal part of me.
I find these beliefs (right or not) right for me…they are far more pleasant than what I was taught.