Relationships UGH! 11/10

In recovery it is suggested that you do not enter into a romantic relationship for your first year.

The reasoning behind it is that we really have no idea who we are when we first get clean.

Some of used for years, even decades and could not remember the last time we had a sober moment. So how are we to know who WE are let alone if we liked or loved someone else.

I of course did not follow that suggestion and even had a few engagements before I was 5 years clean.

However today at 11 years clean I find myself more cautious or afraid to enter into a relationship than ever before.

I know the most important relationship for me is between my higher power and myself.

I also know that I truly know nothing about being in a relationship as the person I am today.

How much do you give? Do you have expectations and boundaries? What about becoming attached to someone – is that being codependent? I don’t want to need another…is there something wrong with me?

The old me thought I knew it all. My mom and dad, the church and everyone else told me how it should be. What a mans role was, what a woman’s was. Honestly I find that all to be bullshit today.

Coming into recovery I changed my whole concept of god and that was HUGE. I was encouraged to come to my own understanding and develop a connection with the energy that worked for me.

So now…relationships…UGH.

Published by gracefuladdict

I am a true addict living my life one day at a time in recovery. I have been substance free -meaning NO drugs or alcohol since 5/23/10. My intention is to share my experiences daily in the hopes to free others from the fears of being who they truly are. My wish is to bravely tell my truth so others can tell theirs as well. I want to be free of self hatred and doubt. I want to live a life of joy, kindness, love and grace. Thank you!

18 thoughts on “Relationships UGH! 11/10

      1. well you have to take care. men are children. and outside. i am one so heck would i know yes. i have to remind myself the lady is my equal but not the same. i read a quote from a book my church gave me last new years. mother teresa wrote do not insult the differences and beauties of each man and woman. btw how are you called? this unit, myself is john.

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      2. oh lord not those praying hands again. i mean come on now. same here. but we do not forget this is the limit the hello goodbye. let s then put on the magical mystery tour!

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  1. I feel ya – ugh! Heartbreaks can make us so cautious. The thing that I’ve been thinking lately is that I have tools now that I didn’t have before. If I see a toxic relationship, I can identify it and get out. It sounds like you have those tools now too. And yes, roles are B.S. Be yourself and find others who are themselves. I wish you luck, fun, learning about yourself and your likes and dislikes, and adventure on your relationship journey!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Coming into recovery I changed my whole concept of god and that was HUGE. I was encouraged to come to my own understanding and develop a connection with the energy that worked for me.

    That was huge for me too. My Higher Power is not the same as the judgemental, punishing God that I knew when in the madness. Now, whenever I come to a crossroads in my life, I just say the shortened version of the 3rd Step and simply say “God help me.” And He DOES! When living this way after turning my will and my life over to the care of My God, if it FEELS right, it IS right. If there is any apprehension at all, I step back and reconsider. Then I either do it or not, however I FEEL about it. We live in a vibrational universe so I KNOW if it is right because I FEEL it. These crossroads may be anything, including relationships. Have a blessed day!

    Liked by 1 person

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