In recovery it is suggested that you do not enter into a romantic relationship for your first year.
The reasoning behind it is that we really have no idea who we are when we first get clean.
Some of used for years, even decades and could not remember the last time we had a sober moment. So how are we to know who WE are let alone if we liked or loved someone else.
I of course did not follow that suggestion and even had a few engagements before I was 5 years clean.
However today at 11 years clean I find myself more cautious or afraid to enter into a relationship than ever before.
I know the most important relationship for me is between my higher power and myself.
I also know that I truly know nothing about being in a relationship as the person I am today.
How much do you give? Do you have expectations and boundaries? What about becoming attached to someone – is that being codependent? I don’t want to need another…is there something wrong with me?
The old me thought I knew it all. My mom and dad, the church and everyone else told me how it should be. What a mans role was, what a woman’s was. Honestly I find that all to be bullshit today.
Coming into recovery I changed my whole concept of god and that was HUGE. I was encouraged to come to my own understanding and develop a connection with the energy that worked for me.