I was ok Until….11/24

The more I share my experience with others in recovery and on this platform, the more I seem to be uncovering the truth about myself.

I am learning the “why” behind my use of drugs and alcohol.

The bottom line was a deep rooted feeling of unworthiness.

How did this happen? I was not born feeling unworthy. I remember feeling invincible as a child.

Until…someone told me I was not. Until the first rotten kid in the neighborhood told me I was dumb or unattractive. Until the first well meaning teacher told me “you should know that already” and of course I did not. There are a zillion examples of the unkind things that are thrown at our innocence, these are just a few.

The trouble was NOT that these others said these things or acted unkindly. The trouble was that I BELIEVED THEM.

You can call me a giraffe today it does not mean that I am one.

So then as I grew into teenage and adulthood I started to value the others opinions of me more than I valued my own. Why – well I felt unworthy.

That deep rooted feeling made me do things that I did not REALLY want to do.

Until…I could take no more and I used the substances to get out of me because I could not stand the lie that I was unworthy any longer.

In recovery today…I recover and discover this worthiness that was once lost. It was always there…I just had to rediscover it. Thank you god.

Published by gracefuladdict

I am a true addict living my life one day at a time in recovery. I have been substance free -meaning NO drugs or alcohol since 5/23/10. My intention is to share my experiences daily in the hopes to free others from the fears of being who they truly are. My wish is to bravely tell my truth so others can tell theirs as well. I want to be free of self hatred and doubt. I want to live a life of joy, kindness, love and grace. Thank you!

13 thoughts on “I was ok Until….11/24

  1. He has a journey for us to take with Him, and when we endure the many pot holes and bumps on that road we will really appreciate the meaning behind it all. The answer is so profound we would gladly do it all again. Great post dear lady, as is the little hero at the top wagging his tail πŸ˜€ ❀️ πŸ™πŸ½ πŸ¦‹ πŸ˜‚ 🀣

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Love that pup ❀️ there is something called the promises in recovery – part of it states β€œwe won’t regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it”
      It’s similar to what you say….we get to use everything and we would do it all again to find our true selves ❀️have a great day Mark πŸ’œβ€οΈπŸ’œ

      Liked by 1 person

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