As you are 12/26

Posted bygracefuladdictPosted inUncategorized

Last night on Christmas Eve of all nights my son and I had an argument. He is 19 and is working a seasonal job and I asked him what he was planning to do after he is out of work in January.

Well…incredible defensiveness came from him and then worry and frustration came from me. A beautiful battle of wills it was…with a few doors slamming and a couple of cuss words.

An amazing trait of my son is he will not and can not leave things with us unsettled. He needs a resolve he needs peace and whether its me or him saying sorry or both….this is how we end all arguments.

When I woke up this morning I felt his side of things. I felt that feeling of “why am I not enough right now in this moment?” that he must have been feeling. My son is consistently present in the moment…and I am not.

The phrase “As you are” is in my heart today. We are all wonderful just as we are. I need not pressure him to be anything. Life will and his energy and guidance will take him where he needs to be.

I am learning.

Published by gracefuladdict

I am a true addict living my life one day at a time in recovery. I have been substance free -meaning NO drugs or alcohol since 5/23/10. My intention is to share my experiences daily in the hopes to free others from the fears of being who they truly are. My wish is to bravely tell my truth so others can tell theirs as well. I want to be free of self hatred and doubt. I want to live a life of joy, kindness, love and grace. Thank you!

24 thoughts on “As you are 12/26”

  1. I’m sure he felt somehow denigrated. Sometimes it’s just good to let things and people be. It’s good to give an advice but, whether taken or not, leave the advised to invent their own way and learn their own lessons. After all, we only get wiser when we fall and rise. I could feel him, but I could feel you also as a parent who wishes their kids the best.

    Like

    Reply

    1. Yesss thank you 🙏 it’s a beautiful thing to learn how to let go with the ones closest to you. Everyone wants and is entitled to their own freedom. And I learned all of my lessons through experiences- not advice ❤️🎁❤️have a great day! God bless

      Like

      Reply

  2. Understanding those old ways of being, knowing what they are built on and that they are a lie…and then the ability to forgive, them and you, and say sorry. Happy New Year to you both 😀 ❤️ 🙏🏽 🦋 ✨ 🎇 🌹 🌟 🌈 🕊 💫 💥

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

    1. Yes the truth under it all that I was able to see is the gift 🎁 There I was again (old behavior) pushing my stuff and then thinking he didn’t care what I thought…I saw it though. Then I told him that I was not correct in doing that and I told him the why behind it. It took me a little time to forgive myself- I felt bad. BUT…I am learning and seeing my old stuff everywhere now 😱😳😬🙄- one experience at a time ❤️🎁❤️

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply

  4. Let them grow freely.
    Age 19 : He is little young boy.
    Being mother, I understand your situation.
    Still give them freedom.
    Watch from remote for care and safety.
    Age increases and worries increases.
    Keep them in joyous Christmas mood.
    Merry Christmas ⛄🎄
    Regards 😊🙏

    Like

    Reply

    1. Deep down I always want him happy – but that is not up to me now is it. His journey will take him wherever he needs to go to find his freedom ❤️🎁❤️thank you Arun – happy holidays

      Like

      Reply

    1. It is hard to see at first because we don’t truly understand our own behavior. The why behind it all. But it is very straight forward…you won’t go near someone who is angry or bitter…neither will he. Now understand truly why you feel as you do, go back to where it all began as a child and see the ‘why’ it is like it is…and you will release it in that understanding of it. And no, it isn’t easy or you would not appreciate what it is. Anything we have to work hard for is very appreciated. And this is just as your son must do too, to understand this journey so that he, and all of us, find that love and happiness we have ever searched for. It is waiting in that understanding, that realization that it all comes down to rejecting ourselves because those we loved and looked up to, rejected who we are in some, or many ways. It gave us doubt of us, an inability to love ourselves. Go back and find that moment in your heart where you closed it to that pain, understand why…and it will set you free…forever. Once you understand anything you no longer think about it, as this will be too. And all people that I ask, after they understand this journey, all say the same thing. They would never change one moment of it, simply because they now realize all the pain that they endured is needed to find our answer, understand who we really are and the path we have taken. Have a Happy New Year Utuhan, may it show you your path, that understanding quietly waiting for you to look within…and be free ❤️ 🙏🏽 🦋 ✨ 🎇 💥 🌹🌈 🕊 💫

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply

  7. You have open communication, even in argument. My older son dictated what was a safe area of communication and shut down anything else, until there was no communication at all. He’s 45 and I have not spoken or written a word for over two years – at his request. So, keep up the good work. You may be learning, but you have already learned a lot.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

Leave a comment