Being in recovery and dealing with holidays (especially in the beginning) was a nightmare for me.
The one that never failed to disappoint me was mother’s day. I could not figure out what dark curse had been cast upon me regarding this day.
Each year I was hopeful that this one would be better than the last. I was a mom…and now a sober mom…so what the hell was my problem. Why did each one seem to get worse??
Maybe from an outsider it looked like I was fine. But the truth is…the unworthiness and shame and guilt were screaming from my insides out.
What I was experiencing is not unique with addicts in recovery. When we get sober and then start showing up for life (holiday’s included) it just opens the door for reminders of our past. And for me Mother’s Day just stung me like a pack of hornets.
I think this is a prime example as to why it is so very difficult to STAY clean. It is those unexpected events and the feelings they produce that just put me in a panicked unhappy state.
My two favorite Mother’s Day’s that I have had in the past 12 years are as follows:
One year I flew to Florida by myself for a mini vacation. When I came home my son had a cake and a necklace for me waiting on the counter.
Oh he also spelled out I love you in oranges!!! (see above photo)
Then maybe last year or the year before when the pandemic hit I got flowers for my mom and my sister n law and delivered them to their door steps with heart felt written letters to both.
I got myself out of me and into a state of appreciation. I have learned that this is a fail proof way to have a good day.
Happy Mother’s Day to all who mother!