I have heard many recovering addicts report that the drug of their choice just stopped working. The high was no longer a high. The “fix” was no longer a fix for anything.
I too experienced a period where I could not get drunk enough or high enough to erase or ignore or bury the pain. The stuff just stopped working.
I would still chase the high and purchase the pills and booze with some sort of hope of relief. This is how sick the disease of addiction can become.
In my life today I have to find other sources for relief. Writing and telling the truth has become one way that has been such a pleasant surprise.
The act of chasing things has subsided tremendously as well. I am learning to allow. To acknowledge where I am, adapt to it and then allow life to just come on through.
There are surprises and beauty around every corner. Fear is becoming less and love is becoming more.
Damn this sober life thing is pretty great!