Blessed to be a mess 6/15

I was sitting with a friend in recovery yesterday and we were chatting about the beautiful messes that we have become.

We were happy for the awareness of the things that disturb us. We are happy that we keep uncovering these little nuggets of freedom.

There are some people in recovery that I have encountered that are very sober….and pretending to be ok. There’s no mess. No roller coaster of a shit show. Everything is just FINE.

I used to envy those people.

Today I know better. Through my own experience I have learned that pretending is a nice way of lying to myself. It’s a temporary fix just like the drink or drug.

To face my pain. To feel confusion and noise in my head. To find the hurt in my heart….and then to admit it, share it and understand it is the true essence of recovery.

After all, what I am recovering is my true self. The self that is lined up with my spirit and a love that is greater than any explanation that I can express.

I’ll happily take the mess.

Published by gracefuladdict

I am a true addict living my life one day at a time in recovery. I have been substance free -meaning NO drugs or alcohol since 5/23/10. My intention is to share my experiences daily in the hopes to free others from the fears of being who they truly are. My wish is to bravely tell my truth so others can tell theirs as well. I want to be free of self hatred and doubt. I want to live a life of joy, kindness, love and grace. Thank you!

38 thoughts on “Blessed to be a mess 6/15

  1. Me too!! A mess is real. Everyone is a mess somehow but covering it up is lying and a bit cowardly truth be told, but owning your mess is healthy and can then be cleaned. That is how God works. Open the mess to Him and He cleans it with you. A beautiful mess! Love it!😃❤️

    Liked by 3 people

      1. We definitely paid quite the price to be shown such a remarkable way – and now I’m so grateful that others like yourself exist and care enough to spread the joy 💜❤️💜thank you Tonya – much love to you 🙏


  2. Sometimes we have to pretend … it’s the only way we can get through the day. But I do like how you connect it to using.

    I have sat at many a meeting where I observed people with many years of sobriety & yet I thought … I wouldn’t want to be you. I once had a sponsor who said, “You wouldn’t want that person’s sobriety! S/he’s miserable all the time! You want to be happy!”

    I always have to remember that putting down whatever substance I’m currently using is only a part of it. The other part is being happy in my own skin 24/7.

    Thanks for letting me share.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Owning my shit has been paramount in my recovery and allowing me to feel better – no shame to be me💜❤️💜 I pretended for soooooo long to be what I am not and it just ate up my insides.
      It is all about your happiness in your own skin – definitely 💜❤️💜


  3. It’s my belief that each and every one of us is an addict in some way. It isn’t always an addiction to a tangible thing, like food, alcohol drugs, shopping, even coffee and cigarettes… And each of us is a hot mess in addiction and a hot mess out of it as well. “Let he who is without sin cast the first stone” could equally be “let he who is without addiction cast the first stone.” Admitting we’re a hot mess takes so much pressure off of us from trying to appear that we’re not!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you Sue ♥️it’s a nice freedom after pretending for sooooo many years to be perfect! The perfect mom, wife, home maker – you name it I was the great pretender. Today truth is much more comfortable- thank god💜❤️💜

      Liked by 1 person

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