Keep it real Danielle 6/17

Today I felt irritated. It is real and it is where I was today. Not all day.

At the end of the day the mom of the boys that I nanny for was 10 minutes late relieving me so I could go home. Now…I know 10 minutes is nothing and believe me I wish it did not bother me..but it did.

I arrive at least 10-15 minutes early every day. This is also not the first time it has happened.

I know I am fragile and sensitive because I am gone all day and I want to be with my cat Pickles who is actively dying. I give my whole hearted attention to the boys and their family every day and I just felt…like I was trapped. Someone was holding the keys to my freedom and I did not like it at all.

I got home checked on both kitties and then I get on a recovery meeting.

I heard a woman named Tuesday share that she is 5 years sober and she has a son who is turning 5 this year. She said that her son is about to celebrate his birthday but she was having trouble.

Tuesday said that on her sons birthday last year they both found his dad overdosed and dead on their bathroom floor.

But for the Grace of God go I.

Published by gracefuladdict

I am a true addict living my life one day at a time in recovery. I have been substance free -meaning NO drugs or alcohol since 5/23/10. My intention is to share my experiences daily in the hopes to free others from the fears of being who they truly are. My wish is to bravely tell my truth so others can tell theirs as well. I want to be free of self hatred and doubt. I want to live a life of joy, kindness, love and grace. Thank you!

23 thoughts on “Keep it real Danielle 6/17

  1. I often find that happens, when I’m really not in the mood for being gracious with those who let me down, out of left field comes something that redefines my perspective. But as humans we are so full of conflicting emotions that some days we do better than others.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. There are no words for something like that…it is just felt right through your heart. In fact, I would think that they are now trapped with that, forever holding them in that place too ❀️ πŸ™πŸ½ πŸ¦‹

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Yes dear lady, our journey always gives both sides…of everything so we can truly see. Some take a while to really understand but that’s ok, we sometimes need to digest it a little πŸ˜€ ❀️ πŸ™πŸ½ πŸ¦‹

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  3. Learning to be charitable with others isn’t easy but possible for all involved. \
    As for the lady at your you meeting: Might I suggest you offer the idea for her/them to start practice relating his death by his burial date and learn to celebrate an innocent child’s birthday with joy first.
    I have something else you might enjoy reading alone if you’ll contact me by email or not, up to you. . mine:

    Liked by 1 person

  4. We have a habit of fixation. I noticed it in myself. Fixating on what feels better, fixating on a problem, fixating on a goal, fixating on minutia, fixated on self. Not sure of everyone who is addicted or in recovery but for me I discovered this recently. I need to stop fixating so much and be in the moment more. We miss so much and then we see how much worse it could be. It is sobering.❀️

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I am 100 percent guilty of this exact thing and it is something that I am really working on.
      I think I wrote about it once β€œI’ll be happy when…” or something like that.
      I want to take ownership in the moment – stop thinking ahead – even looking at the clock – what’s the point? It just has me fixating where I AM NOT β€οΈπŸ’œβ€οΈ thank you Tonya


      1. I do this so much. Such a worthy cause to try to just be here and now and be ok with that. So very hard to do. God helps when we ask, I have to remember to ask, make it a habit. We got this with Him. πŸ˜ƒβ€οΈ

        Liked by 1 person

  5. The sort of inconsideration shown by your boss is not acceptable. You have every right to be angry. I used to be a part-time butler and faithful handyman. While my partner was the personal assistant. We could share war stories.

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    1. Thank you Bill – I have to realize on my end that not every one knows what I am going through and they are just bipping along living their lives with no intention to hurt me. I am just extra sensitive- like more layers of skin are being peeled off daily πŸ’—


      1. I understand better than most that jobs are scarce, and you don’t want to risk defending. I’ve done domestic work, and my partner’s life was “The Devil Wears Prada” for seven years. I can tell you from experience the faster you put down limits, the less stress you’ll suffer in the long term. I’ll be blogging about my time as Jeeves; you might relate.

        Liked by 1 person

  6. I don’t think that being a recovering addict has anything to do with feeling taken advantage of by the person who arrives late to relieve you from your job, expecting you to stay late regardless. My logic would require me to have a conversation with her and ask her how it would affect her day if you occasionally arrived 10 minutes late for your start time, making her wait for you beyond her schedule to leave. Use her answer to explain that you go through the same thing when she’s late. Things happen on occasion to cause us to be late, but in today’s world, a text telling you she’s going to be (however many minutes late) would at least alert you that she’s okay and just running late.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you and yes I agree a conversation would probably clear up matters swiftly.
      As far as being an addict in recovery and what this has to do with that is purely my awareness.
      My mind (the addicts mind) can twist things up into a messy knot – especially when I am in a mental state of sensitivity. So I must be careful not to be exaggerating and get resentful because that will lead me to say β€œfuck it” and pick up a drink or drug.
      This is why I share what I share πŸ’œβ€οΈπŸ’œI need to be right with self and other in this world or my recovery is in jeopardy.

      Liked by 1 person

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