I snapped 6/19

I snapped, I lost it…but I believe I was meant to.

Last night after a long day I was trying to rest on the couch with my cat Pickles who is actively dying of cancer.

Something came over me. It was a force of energy that I could not ignore. It was painful and it was mentally so uncomfortable and physically my heart started to race along side my head.

It felt almost like a panic attack approaching.

Just then my son walked out of his bedroom (he is very intuitive) and he said “Mom what’s wrong?

I lost it…I told him all my truth. I told him that it’s time to put Pickles down. We can’t keep this animal alive for our benefit. I told him how I was waiting for him to realize just how sick he is so we could decide together, but now I am suffering tremendously. I told him I cannot see this animal deteriorate any more and it is time.

My son…so graciously sat next to me hugged me and said he was sorry. He started crying and said he knew too. He was so kind. As upset as we both were there was also such relief.

What happened next…was so beautiful.

Pickles came off the back of the couch where he usually resides and he sat right in the middle of my son and I.

Pickles sprawled out and put his head on my sons lap and started purring louder than I have heard him in weeks. It felt like he was saying that it was alright.

I will call today to make an appointment to do this in our home with love and honor.

Published by gracefuladdict

I am a true addict living my life one day at a time in recovery. I have been substance free -meaning NO drugs or alcohol since 5/23/10. My intention is to share my experiences daily in the hopes to free others from the fears of being who they truly are. My wish is to bravely tell my truth so others can tell theirs as well. I want to be free of self hatred and doubt. I want to live a life of joy, kindness, love and grace. Thank you!

65 thoughts on “I snapped 6/19

  1. I know it is hard. It is meant to be. Do you ever have the idea that animals know when it is time to go? That they are closing just the right moment for themselves ( and for you? ). I know it is hard. Just maybe consider things a moment longer? Trust Pickles to choose for herself? Support her choice? Animals may be ( and I feel ARE ) in way more command of their experience than humans know. My love you to you, your son, Pickles……and everyone visibly and invisibly there with you right now. —Casey.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you Casey ….I believe in my heart that the animal does know better than us ❤️however – Pickles is domesticated so I am not sure what type of conditions he has picked up from us. People will say they hide their pain to please us?
      There are many theories but I do trust the animals more than I trust myself.
      That is why when Pickles got in between my son and I and basically let us know we were choosing something that was ok with him – I just knew💜❤️ Relief will be for him and our family. He can barely walk today and maybe he will go before the vet arrives tomorrow 🤷🏻‍♀️I have no idea. But thank you so very much for your love and prayers 💜❤️💜

      Liked by 2 people

  2. Yes, I believe that animals know when it is time to go and can accept it in a different way than humans can…like leaves in autumn gently detaching and falling from the trees. My 15 1/2 year old maltipoo Joey seemed to know three weeks ago and went gently. I told him I would see him on the other side.

    Liked by 3 people

  3. Big hugs. You are doing the right thing and Pickles told you so. May God hold you with extra big love and comfort and peace while you go through this. It is beautiful you and your son are walking through this together. My heart and spirit are with you.❤️

    Liked by 2 people

  4. I can’t help crying for Pickles. Life can be so cruel at times. But he deserves a relief from his pain and suffering. I hate to see anyone losing his or her life but death is unavoidable. My heart goes out for you, your son and Pickles. ♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Praying to God to give you enough strength and endurance to go through this most difficult moment in your life. 🙏🙏🙏

        Liked by 1 person

  5. You didn’t snap. When I saw the title, I thought you may have had it out with your boss. That’s a snap. What you felt was your intuition. Pickles told you it was time for her to go and heard it. And having it done at home is the very best way.

    Liked by 2 people

  6. I thinks I can imagine how you must feel…. I lost 3 dogs having cancer at the age between 10 and 12 years.
    I sich you a lot of strenght and cherrish every moment you had together with Pickles.

    Liked by 3 people

  7. This was such a hard and painful decision for but you have that conformation that it’s the right time. When you look back that will bring you great comfort and there will be no guilt. Pickles confirmed that for you and gave her best gift in that purr. We had to do the same for our cat, Polly who was also suffering and in pain from cancer. Thinking of you and praying God’s comfort as you go through this painful time.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Awe Polly 💜I love that name. Yes Pickles confirmed it when he got in between my son and I – he’s so weak and for him to do that took all his strength and then he was just so happy that I looked at my son and said “see Tyler “ he gets it. We cried and we knew.
      The vets coming tomorrow morning 💜🙏💜

      Liked by 1 person

  8. It is certainly in those moments that you ‘know’ it is time. Spoken to in so many directions…but understanding a truth that sets you free, and Pickles loves you guys too and wanted to set you free of that indecision. Big hugs to you both, and Pickles too ❤️ 🙏🏽 🦋

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I felt Pickles love in that moment like never before. His head on my sons lap his back paws on mine purring in agreement- harmony with us❤️The vet is coming in the morning- Pickles will be greeted by so many that have gone before us- it will be grand for him💗thank you for the hugs and kindness

      Liked by 1 person

  9. OMG I am SO happy. I wanted to tell you to put Pickles down but I didn’t want to tell you what to do. I’m actually crying here, I know it’s so hard … I’ve had to put down several cats & I know how it is. I miss all my pets … especially Jack, who I had to put down a year ago … but it’s not about our pain. It’s about our pets & not letting them suffer.

    BIGGEST HUGS

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you 💜I was holding on for my son…and then I just snapped. Everything inside me said that’s enough and then Pickles was in agreement with it too❤️
      Sorry about Jack – it’s amazing how much love these little ones produce in our lives 💗

      Like

  10. It’s a difficult decision to have to make, but it is a decision made out of utmost love. I suspect Pickles has been ready but merely biding time until her humans were ready, too. Concentrate on the joy of releasing Pickles from pain.

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Pickles is blessed with so much love from you and Tyler. It is time my friend to put her to rest. 🙏I love you Chooch 🙏🙏❤️

    Liked by 1 person

  12. Words cannot fully convey the gratitude and peace that I felt in my heart upon reading your post. I remember those moments, from my path – when grace arrived, right when most needed, time stood still and it felt as if above and below merged into one. I truly felt as if I was in the presence of Divine All that Is, as I do now having read your post. I wish for that same grace and gift to surround you all, today and the days to come. Hugs and ❤ to you all.

    Liked by 1 person

  13. I understand your pain as I also have domesticated cats at my place but I don’t agree with your decision, let Pickles go when it’s actually time to go and have faith in the Almighty, He first gives strength to a soul, and then He gives pain to a soul so it can bear that pain. Lots of Love and Strength to You, your Son and Pickles.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for your comment. I agree with you. Something inside me says it is not up to me. But then something else also guides me to lessen pain for this loved animal. There is no wrong or right as I cannot think as god to know the divine energies plan entirely. It’s when I think I know it all I find myself in trouble.
      I am going on pure god’s guidance and grace at this point that I am able to feel in my own soul. Pickles may pass away before the vet even arrives. I am not in this to be right or wrong, it is purely the decision coming from my heart. Thank you again and much love to you as well.

      Liked by 1 person

  14. I know it isn’t fair to compare stories, but, J and I went through this with our last pup, EJ. We kept her alive one day longer than we should have—again, kinda selfish. That last day, she wasn’t in pain, but she was walking in circles and confused. When we put her down, she was relieved and we bawled our eyes out. I know this doesn’t help, but you’re doing (already did?) the right thing. Thinking of you, your son and pickles and sending long distance hugs. Wishing you peace, Grace.

    Liked by 1 person

  15. Wow, I am going through a very similar situation! My family dog has cancer, and new growths and sores are popping up all the time. I have spent the last two weeks at my parents house spending time with her. The plan was to take her to heaven while I am here…and we even made the home appointment…but several things happened over the next few days that showed that she still has so much zest for life, and she isn’t ready yet. It was difficult, but I felt like if I could ask her myself, she would say, “what? No way, not yet. I’m still well enough to bark at the mailman, eat cookies, sit outside, and greet my visitors.” I have to let go of the fact that when she IS ready, which will probably happen rather soon, and rather suddenly, I may not be able to be there. It felt so wrong to force it into my schedule when she didn’t seem ready. I know it’s probably going to be in the next week or two and she will tell my mom when it’s time. It’s hard saying goodbye knowing that. I fly out tomorrow!

    I feel your pain and send you some much solidarity and support.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Ohhh I am so sorry!!! Yes your family will know when it’s time and it’s wonderful that you didn’t force it. It’s not easy EVER. My son keeps saying it’s to soon for his heart but Pickles is literally unable to walk today. The vets coming tomorrow- there is never a good time to let them go. But I trust gods gonna help us all ❤️💜❤️

      Like

  16. Undoubtedly, the toughest part of pet ownership is letting go. Pickles has had a good life with you and Tyler, and has shared his love freely. Walking him home is completing the circle. Much love and hugs to you… you will be in my thoughts tomorrow. ❤️

    Liked by 1 person

  17. It’s so so hard to say good bye to our dear pets. They are family, and it breaks our hearts. May peace surround you and your son, as well as peace and relief to sweet Pickles. I’ve always told our pets that I’ll see them again some day. ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  18. Hi,

    I appreciate the vulnerability depicted here. You set a great example for your child and for everyone reading this. I wish you the best for you and your family, as well as for Pickles. Thanks for sharing. – Chris

    Liked by 1 person

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