Fighting with myself 7/29

Yesterday I just had one of those days where I was uncomfortable in my own skin. I can feel it energetically so the events that follow suit are usually quite unpleasant.

It started with me (as it always does) wanting to change someone or something. The someone was my son. He simply made a comment about how the new kitten Eve is afraid of him…and I kind of lost it.

I turned it into such a mess of: “well if you did this or that” and then ended with “why don’t you get a job you will feel better.”

Truth is – it’s all my fears. Me trying to make him fit where he does not want fit or even desire to. It always is… my lack of acceptance.

So I leave the house in a huff and slam the door. I am off to walk a new dog named Hunter for 3:30pm. On the way there I am ranting and crying on the phone to a friend attempting to get the negative shit off me!

I pull in the drive way and the pup is looking out the glass door happy to see me. I instantly feel a calm.

I then take the dog for a walk and I see a woman I haven’t seen for over 10 years. She used to go to recovery meetings. She does not recognize me but we just say hi and pass by.

This woman’s story was one I have never forgotten because it was the first person I had ever heard put a description or give meaning to the phrase “god’s grace.

She had been in a hospital saying good bye to a loved one. I think it was her dad. She was struggling with the grief and the pain. When she lifted her head she looked out the window and saw the most beautiful soft snowflakes falling in such a calming and peaceful way – that she knew and felt gods grace.

God put her on my path yesterday to bring me back to grace.

Published by gracefuladdict

I am a true addict living my life one day at a time in recovery. I have been substance free -meaning NO drugs or alcohol since 5/23/10. My intention is to share my experiences daily in the hopes to free others from the fears of being who they truly are. My wish is to bravely tell my truth so others can tell theirs as well. I want to be free of self hatred and doubt. I want to live a life of joy, kindness, love and grace. Thank you!

10 thoughts on “Fighting with myself 7/29

  1. It is amazing what gets put on our path Danielle. And something interesting Spirit nudged me with…we mostly become calm around an animal…simply because we have no expectations towards it, and it will accept us regardless of where we are at. But those humans, regardless of who, where, when and why, always seem to nudge us wherever ‘we’ are 😀❤️🙏🏽

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Love is always guiding us to understand. And a beautiful thing Rumi said…’Your task is not to seek for Love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself, that you have built against love.’.
        And that is our journey, and meant to, to remove those unintentional childhood things to truly understand unconditional love.
        But first the ‘conditional’ so that we can then understand unconditional. A big journey…yes. But when you see it in all its glory you will never want to change one step that you have made…because each and every one makes you…you, to find this very thing. God’s love, the unconditional one 😀❤️🙏🏽

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Today is a very uncomfortable-in-my-skin day, so that I’m glad to begin it with this message of grace. Who know what’s in store for me today? Not me, that’s for sure–and it feels kinda okay, at this moment.

    Liked by 1 person

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