Fighting with myself 7/29

Yesterday I just had one of those days where I was uncomfortable in my own skin. I can feel it energetically so the events that follow suit are usually quite unpleasant.

It started with me (as it always does) wanting to change someone or something. The someone was my son. He simply made a comment about how the new kitten Eve is afraid of him…and I kind of lost it.

I turned it into such a mess of: “well if you did this or that” and then ended with “why don’t you get a job you will feel better.”

Truth is – it’s all my fears. Me trying to make him fit where he does not want fit or even desire to. It always is… my lack of acceptance.

So I leave the house in a huff and slam the door. I am off to walk a new dog named Hunter for 3:30pm. On the way there I am ranting and crying on the phone to a friend attempting to get the negative shit off me!

I pull in the drive way and the pup is looking out the glass door happy to see me. I instantly feel a calm.

I then take the dog for a walk and I see a woman I haven’t seen for over 10 years. She used to go to recovery meetings. She does not recognize me but we just say hi and pass by.

This woman’s story was one I have never forgotten because it was the first person I had ever heard put a description or give meaning to the phrase “god’s grace.”

She had been in a hospital saying good bye to a loved one. I think it was her dad. She was struggling with the grief and the pain. When she lifted her head she looked out the window and saw the most beautiful soft snowflakes falling in such a calming and peaceful way – that she knew and felt gods grace.

God put her on my path yesterday to bring me back to grace.