Sneaky Expectations 9/15

When I first entered into recovery and started to clear up mentally…I was taught about expectations.

At first, I thought it was my god given right to have expectations. I thought that people SHOULD act a certain and way and I was supposed to expect people to treat me in a certain manner.

I was supposed to put up boundaries and walls to protect myself against the others.

As I write this I realize…I was the biggest offender of treating MYSELF poorly.

And now that I am learning how to treat myself with love and kindness I am not stung as much when someone else is behaving in an unpleasant way. I understand it.

I had no idea that everything is about love of self.

When I was using drugs I just kept covering it all up.

When I am mean to another I am mean to myself.

When I love another – I love myself.

Published by gracefuladdict

I am a true addict living my life one day at a time in recovery. I have been substance free -meaning NO drugs or alcohol since 5/23/10. My intention is to share my experiences daily in the hopes to free others from the fears of being who they truly are. My wish is to bravely tell my truth so others can tell theirs as well. I want to be free of self hatred and doubt. I want to live a life of joy, kindness, love and grace. Thank you!

31 thoughts on “Sneaky Expectations 9/15

  1. We always give out what we are, and eventually we understand what unconditional love is. And when we do, such love is that ability to no longer hold anything against ourselves. Those fears and doubts no longer have any power over us…but remember it was those things that teach us what unconditional love is. They are, hard as they are, a gift in understanding something very beautiful. Enjoy the journey dear lady, you are coming to a peak of understanding and the view goes on forever 😀❤️🙏🏽

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  2. I always remember a line from a book read long ago “Expectations are the death of any true relationship” – and yet – let Life get into the business of daily tasks, chores – the weeds, if ya will – and it just happens – sometimes it’s called ‘setting boundaries’, sometimes, it’s called “be your best self and live for yourself” and sometimes (often!) it occurs to me, it’s an ebb and flow – where they are struggling, where I am, where we each are at, or perennially stay – in beliefs, bias, etc.

    I’ve been practicing some form of what an employee assistance counselor told me long, long ago, more rigorously – “It’s not your duty or responsibility to fix them/clean out their closet/be who they need ya to be no matter the cost to yourself – it is only your duty to be honest about your own journey – share it with those around you – either they thing you are worth the ride of hiking along side ya, or they don’t – and then – the nos, the judgement, the criticism they spout no longer wound you, when they also ask/demand your support simultaneously”

    For me? I guess, my version of the ‘how-to’ is –

    “Um, I told you where I’m at – I cannot be what ya need right now – you are making this time for me way harder and yet, you don’t seem to be in imminent danger of life/limb or in need of anything other than talking about all ya hate and asking me for agreement, and yet, I cannot, not without being a hypocrite and all I can say is, “Well, yes, I see how that would wound ya, but I really can’t take a side – I’ve been that much of an asshole, myself, before, thus, hypocritical of me if I say you’re all right – they are all wrong – and, all I care about is YOU! Now, what story can we tell that gets ya feeling better/ho9peful??? None? No – ? No way in helll?

    Okey dokey – then, I’m a going over here now – Best wishes – and catch ya on the flipside” is my motto – overall – I don’t even have to know whether it’s them, me or us both – all I need to know is “I’m not helping them and I sure as s**t ain’t helping myself, right now, either – ” – – 😀

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Expectations… I have struggled with high expectations for most of my life… And then I become discouraged or disappointed… Now I am practicing acknowledging my expectation and letting go… It reminds me of some advice I got about finances “hope for the best but prepare for the worst”. Kinda helps me through life circumstances too. ❤️🤗

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