Zoom Recovery 9/16

I find that addicts tend to be very resourceful people. During active addiction the things that we did to “get” what we needed and the lies that we told to hide it…sometimes were quite clever.

So when the pandemic hit we were very fortunate that the resourceful recovering addicts used the zoom platform to hold meetings. Many meetings are still held on zoom and are simply amazing.

The meetings are held all over the world. Some are at specific times and some are 24/7.

For me I love it because I don’t have to leave the house if I don’t want to. I can just hop on a meeting in my jammies with my coffee and listen.

For the new person or the for the person who struggles with knowing if they are an addict: I see it as a new way of letting them hear people who have experience in recovery and decide for themselves.

You do not have to speak or show your face on these meetings. You can just tune in and listen.

For me, it makes me proud to be in recovery. To see all of these people come together from all over the world and set up meetings so we can all heal together.

Just brilliant.

Published by gracefuladdict

I am a true addict living my life one day at a time in recovery. I have been substance free -meaning NO drugs or alcohol since 5/23/10. My intention is to share my experiences daily in the hopes to free others from the fears of being who they truly are. My wish is to bravely tell my truth so others can tell theirs as well. I want to be free of self hatred and doubt. I want to live a life of joy, kindness, love and grace. Thank you!

34 thoughts on “Zoom Recovery 9/16

    1. Dr. Ernie – I agree – up to a point – my background includes info in my gray matter that speaks to the physical/physiological benefits of hugs, in person interactions, etc., the biochemical exchanges that benefit overall human health, just through being in a room with the pheremones output by others, whether we are a ‘hugger or not’ – I have to say, knowing that one can join with their ‘community network of support’ – on any common ground held, whenever needed – whether dressed for success, or in PJs, to simply connect with others – through listening, understanding, sharing in common struggles or celebrating insights, idea, successes with those who have an inkling of the path walked on ‘this front or that’ is truly such a gift of technology that, while we hear about all the ‘ills’ of technology (and I don’t doubt most of the charges, at all!) This is where we get the ‘benefits’ of it – Tech here to stay until all implodes, is my motto – might as well use to the good as much as we can – on every facet – – as an author once said,

      “Electricity is neutral – it has no vested interest in whether it’s used to light the hallways of the local bordello OR is lighting the preacher’s parlor for Bible Study’ –

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      1. Absolutely. The digital and physical are complementary — neither can fully replace what the other does. What spoke to me that church should be a place where those who aren’t sure they are broken can lurk to see what it looks like to be made free!

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      2. So true!!! One of my friends, who, in my mind, “I attend church’ with everytime we talk, cuz we always bring our spiritual upbringing and guidances given, to the conversation of every day life – 😀 , has often invited me to attend her church – and the last time I stepped into a church for scheduled services, was 9 months after my son died, and the adult portion of group study was regarding the death of King David’s children for ‘his sins’, including the whole Bathsheba episode – and well – it was hard for me to see it the way the two most vocal people in the group were on ‘oh, yes, children only die because their parents are sinners….”

        When it was my turn? as the pastor just went around the small table of like 10 folks? I said, “This is hard for me, because my son died from sudden illness last spring – I what if myself on what I could have done quicker, sooner, and yes, it’s easy to blame myself, and I do – I failed my child – but I cannot believe in a God that punishes my innocent of evil/sinning children, because of me – ”

        Then I watched 2 out of 10 spew hate, judgement, etc., while 7 others shifted uncomfortably – held the space for 2 to take their hate out on me, feel better and righteous, etc., and well – I, too, just sat there and took it – on the other hand, I wondered, about the ‘love the sinner/hate the sin’ and yes, safe space to be who we are, is NECESSARY, but holding a safe space for some to be as hateful as they wish, but not hold the space for others to be as they are, well….

        To me? I just bumbled my way into the right place for me, at that time of life – I was, by many in my circle, invited to their support communities, during that time – church, support groups for various things (secular/therapy/addictions/manifesting a life worth living, etc…) and what I found, over and over again, was when my time came at the round table – and I was asked, me, being me, didn’t want to be silent – my heart was breaking – I wanted to say it outloud cuz lord knows, so much of the grief process was working it’s way through my life, in silence, within, that had no answers – finding meaning/making meaning/starting a memorial scholarship/volunteering at local funeral homes to meet/talk with parents who lose a child unexpectedly and want to celebrate their childs life while fighting family members who want a ‘traditional funeral’, etc. NONE of that was enough to help save me from myself when the days and nights stretched in silence and my mind was my worst enemy – my heart and entire being ached so badly I could barely breathe –

        Sorry – got off topic – but, the places where I found the most relief, the space to just be where I was at – the space to say, “Um, no, I’m NOT saying you AREN”T struggling, you obviously are – and not my place or anyone else’s place to say why ‘their loss/their struggle’ is bigger/better than yours OR how ya just brought this on yourself – I shared for me – not to make you feel as if your struggles are somehow less that mine, though, my share might have made ya re-frame yours…please…DON”T do that to yourself! ”

        I was invited to an ‘accountability group” by a friend who was violently anti-religion – I was asked last – cuz that’s where we were sitting in the circle of chairs – 😀

        Ahh – the pain, the suffering, the struggles of just living life played out before me – layoffs, health issues, marriage problems, unforseen financial hits and those struggles, etc.

        And then it was my turn – I was HEARD! And, after I said the above, when the married couple before talking about all the problems of their marriage looked at each other held hands and said to me, “We feel bad cuz we can’t imagine losing one of our kids, what are we griping about” and I again said, “You’re talking about your struggles, please don’t demean them, because of what I said” – the artist building his biz, who got laid of, HEARD that I just wanted SOMETHING to ‘do’ that felt creative enough, my inspiration, creativity, dead heart might come back to life – offered me free art lesson, if I wanted them – The attorney going through a divorce and mid-life crisis, offered me pro-bono services if I wanted to sue for medical malpractice, because he couldn’t believe someone could die from that when they had been to the doctor every day for the past 4 days and was sent home – The widow mourning her loss and burden of running the animal rescue foster farm by herself, said, “I don’t know if it will help, but animals heal me and you can come out and spend time with us anytime ya want to.”

        Again, sorry so long – but to me? Whether online OR in person – whether invited or allowed to attend, as a guest, etc., Beautiful things happen, when folks of like heart connect/gather together – how that ‘gathering together’ occurs – in person, online, incognito or outloud – when ya find the place that reminds you – there are so many beautiful souls in the world? Who will shove their worries away, to offer the best they have to offer, to you, well – beautiful things happen –

        Me? I never took any of the offers up – they had already given me what I needed – I felt heard, and wasn’t judged for saying, “I know I SHOULD be doing this, but I still feel dead inside and I don’t know how I’m gonna fix it – ” 😀

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      3. Thanks – alas, I rather hijacked your blog comments section with me trying to explain ‘me’ – LOL You are so graceful and kind – Grace, (Danielle) I don’t know what I ever did to to deserve you showing up in my life – but – well – it is what it is and I’ll take take the gift all while trying my best to not ‘wear it out’ best as I can – alas – I often wear others out while arguing with myself – LOL 😀

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      4. P.S. – I’m shamelessly without guilt! (or at least much of it….) blogging and ‘communing on Danielle’s ‘house’ (Me? in my heart and mind, her name is Grace – not just because of her content – but because of her willingness to share her journey – even on days she’s not feeling particularly ‘graceful’ and when/if I comment? It seems as if she understands as do others who ‘congregate’ here – I make no claims about whether this is the ‘right place’ for me to lurk to find out if I’m broken or not – is the point or not – I have many addictions – I smoke tobacco – I mix wine into water – I follow news, and sometimes, go so far down a rabbit’s hole of various cries for ‘let’s fix this’ fronts – I lose myself! Over and over – Somehow, here, in this online community?

        I don’t have to be a ‘come up with solutions’ – I don’t have to be AA specified addictions free – (drugs/alcohol) I don’t have to be a caretaker for one who is dying, or be in high stress job – to say – outloud,

        “This – is what I’m thinking about today – this is where what ya wrote struck a chord in me – here’s where I felt the chord” – IT’s NOT about who is right – who is wrong – whether we are each at our ‘best or not’ today – it’s simply a life lived outloud, a community built from one – and, until I’m kicked out of the group? It’s where I find like minded individuals who also hear me when I marvel at/question their never ending faith – folks who know – if they read my comments – my goodness – I still drink wine – mixed into water – I’m a lightweight – really – doesn’t take much for me to get buzzed and all in mode of ‘me, me, me’ – in pure selfishness some times, after long days and yet, in my mind?

        Grace (ahem – Danielle) and many within her network – provide a safe space for me to observe what worked for them, to comment/share without fear of ‘using the wrong lable/world” That even if I say outloud the worse things I know about me, while admitting my ‘I may be in a blind spot’ – are just never unkind/hateful to me – and, no matter how much of a hermit I may yearn to be, I just can’t not resist the addiction of interacting with living things – on any front – of trying put myself in their shoes – walk their path – even if what they are experiencing doesn’t feel relevant ever, as a struggle, to me –

        And, I will freely own – I KNOW I ‘m Broken – on so many fronts – I don’t need others to tell me so – or give me a fix – on any front – I somedays, sometimes, (often?? yep… often!) Just share to say – this is where I suspect I’m really broken – not sure if I really am or if I’m stuck, or I broke through from the populist view of ‘how to fix’ – just saying, There are parts of my life where I let myself down, that which I call God down, given what I think God expects of me 24/7 and let others down who count on me no matter what, or how they treat me, in loyalty/service – and, the times I realize, “um, no – they want from me what I cannot give.”

        Hey, Danielle/Grace??? Sorry I communed with others, on your blog – hopefully – you ya just take your freedom and power in hand – to do what’s best for you/your community! Supposedly? You can log in and search comments left by anyone and delete those things any time ya wish – 😀 I offer the same ‘no harm/no foul’ on my part, to any blogger, when I (sob!) blog in their comments section – it’s not insecurity or fear or anything else – it’s proactive ‘ ‘you do you – cuz I’m here cuz you and your do ‘yourselves’ so ever beautifully – to my eyes! 😀

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      5. I welcome ALLL of the interaction between you and anyone who connects❤️here there and everywhere! Truth and love are sometimes hard to come by…feel free to express and connect here – ALWAYS ❤️♥️

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      6. TamrahJo—I read your “blog” 🙂 on this blog, and I read where you lost a child and you had some not very good experiences sharing about that loss to others. I have also lost a child, and I also have had some not great experiences sharing about that loss. I know that people try to make sense of what makes no sense. I wish I could give you a hug, and tell you that even if people fail us, God does not and will not. Another parent says that we have entered into the fellowship of sufferers–I think that is a wonderful description. I wrote a blog about suffering–and am including the link here in hopes that it might help you. http://katiesencouragementforyou.home.blog/2021/09/24/suffering/ Praying for you!!

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      7. Ahh – Katie – thank you so much for your bravery to rip open your healing wounds, to reach out to me – yes – YES! Mine happened in 2008 – he had a MySpace account that defied all logic of me getting the barest access to to post an update – from quitting breathing at home after doctor visits/sent home with ‘flu’ take fluids/rest’ to quitting breathing, home first aide, ICU, middle of the night tanks, etc. and then ‘But what??? Why are they saying he is brain dead? Already dead? I just heard of such things” – to the fact your first responder husband took that ‘call’ –

        Ahh…Katie – today is your anniversary/milestone/day you share/connect/reach out to others – as on many days – every day – really – –

        But sigh – you pull so mightily at my heart strings –

        I love the link you shared about the friend that kept a journal for you when you couldn’t do for yourself – I love that you hear my heart – even while I mourn that you hear it, cuz your heart has and still hurts like mine does – you are fewer ‘years in’ on dealing with it – than I – I suspect you are way more faithful and less questioning than I, on the other hand?

        I love the book of Job – I love the lessons to be found in it – on inner fortitude and love and inner stregnth –

        I, in my own lil way, guess, at end of day, I don’t believe ever in prayer to give me what I want – but I felt that way long before my son died – do I believe in the power of prayer – Yes – do I believe I’ll get what I want if I’m faithful/pray enough/have enough folks praying for me/mine on any front? Nope – I just don’t – that’s just me – Life happens, God is, the world is and if you are blessed to enough to not die young, if you risk loving and procreating and living for future plans – there will always be losses – price to be paid for the gift of living/not dying – But oh – my heart goes out to you today – never stop being you, Katie – you bring a form of meaning, community and blessings to so many – even when – you may not totally agree with others – or feel at your ‘best/most faithful’ for me? I will always remember you – no matter where ‘this moment’ goes forward or plays out – why? It just is – 😀
        Thank you for your kindness while you till walk your way through Life – I can tell meself any story I wish and you can tell yourself anything you wish – but at end of the day? for me? God never failed me – EVER – in fact – God was my only friend for a long time – why? God was the only thing that was strong enough for me to cuss, rant, rave, be at my most imperfect, lower angel of myself and always set to me just what I needed… God never struck me dead of grieving, for losing my temper, cussing and I tested it out – I got mad, on a hilltop, in middle of thunder & ligtening storm, and said, “If I am so wrong, take me out!” I cuss, drink, smoke, am considred blasephmous on many fronts because I say “Gol’dammit’ and yet the ver humans that get offended, say “O-M-G” or text it – what’s the diff? I ask God – LOL

        God – my version of God, etc. has NEVER let me down – except, when I try to find ways to connect with others who don’t have the same version of ‘god’ that I do – and then – well – I know for a fact, to me, ain’t none of us gonna be able to ‘prove’ who is ‘right’ while we are still living/breathing/up for debate here, on human plane, sadly – 😀

        But – I wrote today of a memory that was defining part of gifts that just showed up, in my world – to carry me through that time, refine me, make me both more compassionate and stronger, all at the same time – I can’t explain fully – it just is – I just try to say outloud, connect with others and then try to be honest about my perspective, when others talk about their experiences or feel I haven’t heard them or clarify so I TRULY hear what they were trying to say – I expect nothing less of God and, sadly, I expect nothing less of those here on earth – what does your heart say? What do you fear? What do you dream of? What are you willing to fight for? What are you vulnerable on?

        To me? Anyone that shows up for the conversation – no matter how clumsily I start it? Ahhh – lookie there! God showing up – here! 😀
        Big hugs and loves to you, dearheart – your son is beautiful – figure he still is – on whatever plane of existance he is iving in now – and well – my version of heaven? He’s looking down and saying, “ahh…mom…ahh dad….thank you for the gift of you, while I was there” –

        me? Katie? God? Thanks for the gift of ‘you’ today – ❤

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      8. You are most welcome. 🙂 Although the credit for the gift of me, belongs to the One who made me. 🙂 I appreciate all your reflections. I absolutely agree with you–God loves you and me, unconditionally–with grace and mercy–and He always shows up. I don’t think it is an accident, that I just happened upon Danielle’s blog today, and saw your comment. I think God wanted me to reach out to another mom who lost a son, and tell her that she has been loved with an everlasting love, and that her son has and is loved as well. Hugs to you!!

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      9. Katie, thank you for reminding me how often I push away human love shown, by brushing it off and thinking “well, of course they liked what I said – I spoke frankly about something we have in common” – I deleted my prior response and instead, typed this one – –

        Thanks, for reminding me, sometimes? I am loved unconditionally too – ❤

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      10. ❤ No matter what we are 'different in' time/space/culture, etc., so often, the core human heart needs expressed in music,lyrics, art, creativity AND at core, what we truly care about, our family, our home, our local community – are the common ground we find with each other – Is my take on it – but whaddya I know???

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      1. So Lynne was in the Traveling Wilbury‘s … you’re about my age so you’ll remember. Lynne, Tom Petty, George Harrison, Bob Dylan and Roy Orbison. There’s a meme or whatever out about how old they were in 1989 AND how old they seemed then … crazy old. Orbison was the oldest at 54 then. Time flies!!! You should Google it!

        I really love your writing and everything! You’re a star!!!🙂

        Liked by 1 person

      2. I LOVE the Traveling Wilburys!! A couple of them were in recovery actually! Roy was…and maybe Harrison too – I have to re-google!!
        Ha! And thank you Sir Wallace you are a star yourself!!❤️💜❤️

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