I acted selfishly 9/23

The parents of the boys that I nanny for asked if I could bring them to get haircuts. My mom cuts their hair. She was once a hair dresser and has a little shop in her home. She is known as “Haircut Nana”.

It is usually a good time. The boys love her and she gives them ice cream cake and attention.

Well it was time to go to “Haircut Nana’s” and George did NOT want to go. He was in a mood. He decided to come knowing if he stayed home he would be bored and Clay would have all the fun.

We arrived at my moms and it was dark inside her home. It felt off. The boys went in first and then my mom met me at the door. She told me one of her friends had passed away the day before. A close friend.

I should have left with the boys. But instead I acted selfishly and wanted my mom to pull it together and cut their hair anyways.

As you can imagine…it turned disastrous pretty quick. Clay’s haircut went fine but then when George got in the chair she nicked his ear with the scissors. No blood but it was enough to send George off in a tizzy and my mom just felt horrible!

I felt horrible!! George and my mom – we were all a mess.

Clay was not. He sat kindly and was my rock of love.

There are so many better ways I could have handled this situation. But I was in to much of a rush thinking about what “I” wanted to “get done” for the boys and their parents. My driving force was not love at that moment..it was self centered fear.

I apologized to my mom.

This was a lesson for me to slow the “f***k” down. The most loving action will be the most understanding one. If I am moving to fast on self will I cannot understand anything or anyone.

Maybe we all could have just had a piece of ice cream cake and helped her feel better. No haircuts necessary.

Today is a new day and I am taking this lesson with me.

Published by gracefuladdict

I am a true addict living my life one day at a time in recovery. I have been substance free -meaning NO drugs or alcohol since 5/23/10. My intention is to share my experiences daily in the hopes to free others from the fears of being who they truly are. My wish is to bravely tell my truth so others can tell theirs as well. I want to be free of self hatred and doubt. I want to live a life of joy, kindness, love and grace. Thank you!

28 thoughts on “I acted selfishly 9/23

  1. Objective reflection is so helpful. I am so sorry for your mom’s loss. Tomorrow is a new day. Be sure to share what you learned with the boys to teach them the power of reflection. You got this. One day at a time, each is a new opportunity to be a conduit for love. Tomorrow will be amazing.😃❤️

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  2. Well written Danielle, showing a heart in motion. And shown something important so we can put it in our hearts for later. But first to see and experience that important bit…or we won’t know that it is. It took me a while to be thankful of those things, hard as they may be, especially to others. But then we give out the more healed and loving version of us for having been there. Plus that loving apology to your mom was probably worth its weight in gold from you and made her feel better anyway…and what was needed. Both sides get something out of any encounter, good or bad, and make us something better for it ❤️🙏🏽

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    1. Thank you Mark❤️later that evening (and I wrote about it for tomorrow) I was blessed with the “bigger picture “ so to speak. It all had to happen so I could heal some more of me just like you said and put in back into the world❤️much love to you – hard lessons and all 💜

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  3. rough day for all – lessons learned – on the other hand cheer up! Stuff like this happens all the damn time – exponentially the more human variables you put into the same time/space – you’ll get plenty of opportunities to ‘slow the f**k down and do better in the way you want to do – next time – ❤

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      1. Task orientation is very helpful getting through a hard time – physicall/emotionally, etc. It’s the version of “One foot in front of another, until I feel like myself, once more or become the new version of me that doesn’t feel very comfortable – at all! right about now because of….[insert whatever one is struggling with] – I get it –

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      2. Yes…I agree. My early recovery days were built on one foot in front of the other and one day one minute at a time. Presently I would like to relax a bit more into the day and into the people who show up. It’s a goal….everyone benefits when I am open eyes open heart and not head down and busy❤️💜but some days HELL yeah – “just keep swimming “ like Dori in Nemo!! Ha ha❤️🌞

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  4. You weren’t being selfish. You were doing what the boys’ mother wanted you to do. You were doing your job. Unfortunately, your job conflicted with one of the boy’s bad behavior (which is what it was) & your mother’s grief, neither of which should have stopped the job from going forward. But you weren’t being selfish, so stop beating yourself up. You didn’t do anything wrong.

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  5. I never liked the word “selfish.” Neglecting my own needs always leads to bad places. You may have been very focused on the task at hand and not noticed that your mom wasn’t up for haircuts. But at the same time, your mother did not tell you that she wasn’t up for it. It was a very human mistake. Hugs, and I hope everyone feels better

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      1. It is interesting, because I sense that you are at peace and being reflective, that you just feel you weren’t being your best self and made amends. I, however, projected myself, and “selfish” is a word that has been used to manipulate me and it is a word I use to attack myself. I aspire to have the peace you have found (and I definitely need yo write a blog post, exploring my end of this issue further!) Hugs!

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  6. I love this Danielle ❤️ sometimes we just want it now…. We are all self centered at times. You wanted more to make their parents happy. I’m sure the boys would of been happy visiting Nana Shelia and eating ice cream 🍦. Sorry for your mom’s loss of her friend 😘🙏

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