The other day I found myself reverting back to some old behaviors.
When I say old behavior I relate them to the way my disease – the disease of addiction – can and will tempt or talk me into some type of destructive thoughts or even actions.
There are a variety of ways my mind manipulates me into walking into a neighborhood where I personally do not belong.
Now you would think that my disease would just tell me to pick up a drink or drug.
But it doesn’t.
It tells me to pick up an old toxic relationship, pick up some new insecurity about my body or the way others view me. It tells me to pick up some financial insecurity, some parental failure thoughts or some “nobody gives a shit” thoughts too.
My mind becomes sick all over again.
The disease sets up the mind…without even a thought of a drink or drug….but that is what will follow if I do not correct it.
Thank god for god as my friend Chooch says.
God is in my gut. When I am off and I start wandering down a path that is not meant for me…I can feel it.
When I am thinking or acting in a way that does not serve my soul -I feel it strongly in my gut.
This feeling stays until I can find my way back home to gods grace.
This is a beautiful thing. Learning to listen to the grace of god – nothing is better than that for me.