It is no secret with people who know me that I have issues with romantic types of relationships. I am interested in them and then I am very disinterested in them.
Personally I think I try them on for size and then I realize something feels off within me. Then I do not want to hurt the other or myself so I jump ship.
But today I had a different thought about it all.
I think my fear of attachment stems from my disease of addiction. I am careful not to replace one with the other.
For YEARS I relied on something outside of me to fill me. I was not only attached to it…I was addicted to it. What is the difference really?
In active addiction I was stuck. When I feel an attachment it feels very similar…I am stuck in my own mind.
Addiction is mental as well as physical.
So when an attachment to another, or to a job or a material thing rears its ugly head…I feel it and I fear it.
I always feel the relief when I separate myself from it and I turn inward to god. It feels like my true place.