Mood Management 10/20

This title makes me smile.

I used drugs and alcohol to manage my moods for many years. The mood was basically one of numbness. I was always seeking to feel the best I could, which unfortunately meant blocking the outside world and all it’s offerings.

When I entered into recovery a little over 12 years ago…my feelings, emotions and “moods” came back full force.

I had no idea what all of these feelings were. The others in recovery had to give me some basic survival tools. One was HALT – an acronym for hungry, angry, lonely and tired.

If I was feeling off I could use that word and find out I might be hungry or even angry…and I just hadn’t recognized it.

I was also constantly apologizing for the way I was feeling. I thought I “should” feel happy and grateful all of the time.

Today I catch myself trying to manage my moods. Rather than letting them come through and pass like the visitors they are…I have been trying to control the circumstances or outside world to manage my moods.

I need to take a leap…the unconditional leap of faith. Moods, bad and good and circumstances pleasant and unpleasant will come regardless of what I pretend to control.

What will remain the same…is me. The true me. The spirit…that need not manage one thing.

Published by gracefuladdict

I am a true addict living my life one day at a time in recovery. I have been substance free -meaning NO drugs or alcohol since 5/23/10. My intention is to share my experiences daily in the hopes to free others from the fears of being who they truly are. My wish is to bravely tell my truth so others can tell theirs as well. I want to be free of self hatred and doubt. I want to live a life of joy, kindness, love and grace. Thank you!

18 thoughts on “Mood Management 10/20

  1. That is one thing us ‘conditional’ beings are very good at…holding stuff…lots. And it takes a lifetime to understand this and slowly begin to see into our hearts and let go those holding patterns. An exact replica is this, and we do it in all that we do…when we first drive a car, get a new job or….anything…it is an unknown so we focus on it and hold on. But as soon as we begin to understand it we begin to let it go. After a while we barely think about driving a car or as time goes by in that job we understand it more and more and no longer focus on it. And the biggest thing we ‘hold’ is our fears, understand those and it is like being in another world. The one you are touching now, goosebumps and lightness all over. Enjoy the journey dear lady, there is indeed a light at the end of the tunnel 😀❤️🙏🏽

    Liked by 2 people

    1. It’s funny to catch myself…trying to protect myself from harms way.
      I have listened to soooo many people in my life tell me things that just don’t add up….like “proceed with caution” or “watch out for red flags” – ha ha. So I tried to manipulate my own being and guard myself daily…plan the people places and thing I will encounter so I don’t run into someone or something unpleasant 💙
      It’s all a joke
      I can’t control anything even if I tried.
      Yesterdays message on my walk that gave me goosebumps was TRUST SOMETHING
      and I think I shall ❤️❤️❤️

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Human problems always seem to arise out of a need to control…Learning to just accept what is and going with the flow is such a hard thing to accomplish. We concentrate on how to best get control rather than putting our focus on accepting what is and just learning to go with it. So hard but it’s what it is all about. These are definitely times of change and growth and opening our hearts and our minds and our eyes! Wakey…Wakey…World….Be thankful you are awake D. and open to change! You are miles ahead….VK ❤

    Liked by 1 person

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