Mood Management 10/20

This title makes me smile.

I used drugs and alcohol to manage my moods for many years. The mood was basically one of numbness. I was always seeking to feel the best I could, which unfortunately meant blocking the outside world and all it’s offerings.

When I entered into recovery a little over 12 years ago…my feelings, emotions and “moods” came back full force.

I had no idea what all of these feelings were. The others in recovery had to give me some basic survival tools. One was HALT – an acronym for hungry, angry, lonely and tired.

If I was feeling off I could use that word and find out I might be hungry or even angry…and I just hadn’t recognized it.

I was also constantly apologizing for the way I was feeling. I thought I “should” feel happy and grateful all of the time.

Today I catch myself trying to manage my moods. Rather than letting them come through and pass like the visitors they are…I have been trying to control the circumstances or outside world to manage my moods.

I need to take a leap…the unconditional leap of faith. Moods, bad and good and circumstances pleasant and unpleasant will come regardless of what I pretend to control.

What will remain the same…is me. The true me. The spirit…that need not manage one thing.