Does anyone else ever catch themselves doing this?
In recovery this is referred to as “touching the hot stove.” I know the stove is hot…I know it burns…but I forget how hot it actually can be or…how bad it really stings.
In early recovery I was used to creating and living in chaos. I was actually uncomfortable when things were calm.
But as time went on and I learned about my diseased up mind, I found things that worked for me to soothe my mind and feed my spirit…peace became the new baseline.
But today I still find myself acting in a way that I KNOW will disturb my peace. I will call someone, watch something on tv, remember things that drive me nuts…I will look at and pick up the unwanted.
I can’t help but wonder if this is some form of guidance.
It just keeps letting me know I am human (unfortunately ha ha) and that there is free will.
Maybe it is a reminder that my mind and this disease of addiction is only arrested one day at a time.
I guess it keeps me sharp and alert in someway. Reminding me “hey gods over here.”