A “shit fit” 1/25

So I had a moment over the weekend – and I wasn’t sure I was going to share it…but here it goes.

I had what I call an absolute unnecessary “shit fit” or as some can refer to them as a “mind attack”.

I was out walking on a cold but beautiful Sunday morning and I saw my hawk friend. Then I saw something so odd…that made me feel a little crazy…but I really saw it.

The hawk was perched in a tree and his back was towards me. What I saw was a very distinct face in his feathers. I don’t know whose face it was but it was definitely a face.

So I grabbed my phone and I tried to get pictures but they did not come out.

Then I tried texting one of my friends – who would not think I was nuts. But they didn’t answer (right away) ha – so I called them…again no answer.

Then I just start obsessing over “why” they are not answering me. My hearts racing I am anxious and I am calling and calling and texting…obnoxiously.

The whole ordeal maybe lasted 20 minutes…but I was in a mental hell.

The friend calls me back…we chat..I don’t run from my craziness. I cry – it passes and then I laugh.

I end up later in the day receiving an image – an ariel view of myself walking around around the golf course – mid mind attack.

I can see myself – and I just laugh like a real belly laugh.

All of that fear and turmoil are just nonsense…but it’s my nonsense.

Published by gracefuladdict

I am a true addict living my life one day at a time in recovery. I have been substance free -meaning NO drugs or alcohol since 5/23/10. My intention is to share my experiences daily in the hopes to free others from the fears of being who they truly are. My wish is to bravely tell my truth so others can tell theirs as well. I want to be free of self hatred and doubt. I want to live a life of joy, kindness, love and grace. Thank you!

34 thoughts on “A “shit fit” 1/25

      1. Yay! It is more natural to inflate our ego/pride and fight. Does not matter how long it takes, some people never realize it. What matters is the humble acceptance of that fact. Then it is like a weight has been lifted and you take a peaceful, joyful breath in and out and are thankful.😃❤️

        Liked by 1 person

  1. I sooo relate, lovely. You’re not alone. It can be a small thing that’s sets you off and then you’re spiralling down and don’t know why. I hope your friend was patient with you. Who took the aerial photo of you, though? THAT part got my attention.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. The image of me came into my own mind after everything had calmed down. It was like god gave me an instant replay so I could watch myself…it was quite the episode from start to finish!
      Thank you for your kind words and yes my friend was very understanding ❤️


      1. Oh praise the Lord! I was so worried someone had been filming you!!! So glad it was an internal video. I can breathe easy now. It is challenging to look back and see ourselves through a lense of compassion once we’ve been through something scary, hard or painful.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. I was in that state of mind all day yesterday. I was interrupted repeatedly and decided nobody liked me and I didn’t belong. Actually I prayed for a sign that I belonged, and everyone left yoga class without giving me a hug. I know it’s likely just my mind, but I am always afraid that I am fooling myself and that I really don’t belong. Still waiting on that sign…

    Or it could just be that the cold weather and tornadoes are driving me batty!

    You are lucky to have such a good support system, and I am glad you are feeling better. ❤️

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Sara, tears in my eyes as I read your post because I think like that, too. I’m genuinely surprised to have friends who love me and I mentally question that all the time “what’s the catch?” “When are they gonna abandon me?” “I must be dreaming, I don’t deserve to have so much kindness in my life”. I live on high alert, looking for any sign I’m going to be abandoned because I have such a low opinion of myself, I expect others will, too! You sound like a beautiful person and I hope you get that sign you’re looking for. Look up as much as you can, the sign might be above you. Sending you big hugs 🫂 xoxo

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I imagine many of us would have been unsettled given such a recent loss and a startling reappearance, Danielle. Don’t be too hard on yourself.


  3. I believe you saw a face. I had an experience with a hawk. I had gone to visit a good friend’s grave not longer after he had passed and was leaving when a hawk flew down, landed on the curb right next to where I was parked and just sat there and looked at me. I was able to get some good pictures, and I couldn’t help but wonder if this didn’t have something to do with my friend.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. My Dad had a similar experience when his best friend passed away, Kev. He went to visit his friend’s grave site and a little blue bird flew down and sat close to my Dad – as if to comfort him. That bird stayed next to Dad for the whole visit and only flew away as Dad turned to leave. He really believes it was his friend saying thank you and goodbye. I do, too xx

      Liked by 2 people

  4. Its very real, while you are experiencing your panic attack as your mind races jumping to all the programmed reasons of why no one is answering and in believing what you saw..
    The really GOOD thing Danielle is that as horrid as it was, as you experienced this dizzy-fit.. of Mind Chaos..
    You were later able to step back and Look at it rationally and laugh at it all..

    Going back to your Hawn though and the face you saw…. Also the above comment of ‘Kev’ who experienced something similar…
    I do believe often Nature is giving us clues… And had your mind not gone into panic mode, you could have asked or delved into that face and what message the hawk had to tell you..
    I should look up the animal Hawk Totem meaning to see what Hawk had to tell you…

    I saw two crows, crowing away at each other on my walk recently…. The messenger of the Crow had something to tell me… 🙂

    Sending Love and well done for seeing the humorous side of things.. ❤ ❤

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you Sue ! And yes – I recently had a friend pass away and in the hawks feathers as soon as I saw the face I thought of my recently deceased friend named Sheryl. I am going to her memorial on Friday.
      The face was a woman’s distinctly and before the wave of panic came – I was able to stand and look and appreciate and be in complete awe! I always call this hawk my friend…and now he provided me with an image of my deceased friend.
      I will see her children on Friday – they are young adults.
      I typically do not want to attend these memorials but something inside of me really wants to tell her children how great their mother was and how much she helped me on my journey ❤️
      Thank you Sue…

      Liked by 2 people

  5. We face ourselves…to see. Check our beliefs and doubts to reinforce who we are. The event was a mirror, a message from that great love inside to test our waters within and ask that age old question…am I ok? And you are dear lady, a moment to know how far you really have come, a little further opened to that light within and the appreciation of a path well traveled. It obviously spoke to you, leaving you with many feelings. A teacher of love. Hold it, feel it, then set it free…as it will you ❤️🙏🏽

    Liked by 2 people

  6. I think many of us have moments of ‘temporary insanity.’ LOL Looking back we think, ‘What the hell was THAT all about?’ Other times however, I really wonder if there was more to it, but just out of reach, like an incomplete jigsaw puzzle with a few pieces missing. A mystery!

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: