Accepting insults 1/31

Posted bygracefuladdictPosted inUncategorized

I have been told numerous times that I don’t know how to accept a compliment. This might be true.

When people focus their attention on me and tell me about myself…it’s a bit uncomfortable.

And this topic raises a question for me. If I accept your compliments…don’t I have to accept your insults as well?

The biblical meaning of my name – “Danielle” the female form of “Daniel” in Hebrew means: “God is my judge”.

This does not mean that I do not love feedback and learning from others. I actually do most of my learning from other people.

When someone shares their experience from their heart I benefit tremendously.

When I first came into recovery I was hungry for compliments and for people to like me – acknowledge me. It was a trap that I had to learn to free myself from.

Today I find it better to love people where they are at no matter what they think about me.

The only persons opinion of me that truly matters when my head hits the pillow at night…is my own. (ok and my kitty Eve)

Published by gracefuladdict

I am a true addict living my life one day at a time in recovery. I have been substance free -meaning NO drugs or alcohol since 5/23/10. My intention is to share my experiences daily in the hopes to free others from the fears of being who they truly are. My wish is to bravely tell my truth so others can tell theirs as well. I want to be free of self hatred and doubt. I want to live a life of joy, kindness, love and grace. Thank you!

27 thoughts on “Accepting insults 1/31”

  1. I’m hoping your 2023 is filled with positive, uplifting compliments rather than criticism. I love that your name means “God is my judge” because it’s a reminder that NO ONE can label you or put you in a box – that is for God and God alone to judge. I’m hoping you and your kitty Eve both get a good rest today. I find personally that I’ll accept being criticized IMMEDIATELY but I’ll argue until I’m blue in the face over someone trying to compliment me. Do you relate or do you accept compliments graciously?

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    1. I typically am not a fan of compliments (or insults) I usually change the subject right quick. I honestly don’t really pay mind to either these days…I just become aware of how I feel around the person or people and that becomes more important to me than anything ❤️

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  2. It is a very powerful thing, that thing called love. And because of its pain in our childhood days we block it, doubt it, don’t believe it, and are not used to dealing with it ‘truthfully’. But if I abuse you, swear at you, scream at you…you’ll deal with it, because it happens every day in some form or other. You have it down pat…so to speak. But the love…you have doubts and fears. And here is how to prove it, for us all. Go into your mirror and look into your eyes and without looking away and say with great feeling ‘I love you’, and feel how you respond to it. It will vary by how much you do believe and love yourself. There is no shame in the reaction, no matter what it is. It just shows a lifetime of fearing that truth, that truth we all think we can’t face. But…when we do dare it and face it, behind there is something so unexpected, so powerful and so beautiful that you will be glad in all that it has asked you to face to reach it. You Danielle have already touched it, that smile in your heart as you begin that journey after finding it…that…is your love coming through as the wall came down. And be gentle, that is a lifetime of fear and can take some time to ‘let go’. In fact it will come back and tap you on the shoulder, and that has purpose too. It will show you how you feel as time goes by, and empower you when, as that time does goes by, your reactions will be less and less…and the smiles more and more. It is all built on that love, so we can see. Even the insults that at first weakened us, then do the opposite and empower us, as we let them go 😀❤️🙏🏽

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    1. Well that was just beautiful!
      And yes – I have felt that the insults can empower once I have seen through the fear the other person might be experiencing ❤️
      This wall is coming down and I have to say I have never been this happy – ever❤️

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  6. My attitude is, you get a compliment, you say “Thank you” & move on. You get an insult, you say “Thank you” & move on.

    People expect a “Thank you” for a compliment but they never expect a “Thank you” to an insult. I’ve found it’s far more effective than a F you.

    Add a “Bless you!” & you’re golden.

    Hugs

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  7. If one gives others the right to criticize because they offer occasional praise, life becomes like an endless jury trial — always waiting for the next verdict. As Clarence Darrow, the great defense lawyer said, “There is no justice in or out of court.”

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  8. I may go off on a tangent here so bear with me. I take awhile getting to my point but the trip is worth it sometimes. Our recovery program is packed with seemingly contradictions, parables. One of the recommendations for a continued and lasting recovery is to turn it over. Okay. Done. Now what? In my opinion this means we give up our will to manage exactly how things will go. The payoff for us is we receieve a new muscle we never knew we had or even could develop I call devine intervention. Its for a lifetime not for as long we need. At the end of our ropes how many of us ended up delusional, confused, deranged, neurotic, paranoid, and on and on. We came out of all of that darkness as our part to receive the grace of recovery. It was tough those first few days. I still hear it in someone sharing for the very first time or coming back. That helps me more than they know. But as we progress more and more there will be people that will be drawn (or attracted) to our light and at first we may not understand why. At this point a light bulb should flip on. The promises are being fulfilled. People around us wonder how our problems seem to have a way of working out. They want what we have. They may even have no idea we are in reovery. That’s the power of anonymity. I say to anyone new or coming back to learn to accept the compliments along with the complaints (from the peanut gallery). What people think, say or how they act is none of my business. There are traditions in our program that guide us in how to use this inner power. First, we help those in need to find a way we found. And begin there. Be well.

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      1. I am long winded. We now have a force inside us that attracts others. And we have no control over it. It’s how we deal with it that will blow our minds. I had to learn a whole new way of speaking that I wasn’t used to. I loved to swear or curse every second word. Now I don’t. I had to learn how to accept a compliment without worrying about people’s ulterior motives. To say thank you. You’re welcome. I’m not interested, I’ll pass. Ha. Be well.

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