I took it personally 4/22

Posted bygracefuladdictPosted inUncategorized

Wednesday was a rough day with the boys that I nanny for. I was anxious at the beginning of the week because it was school vacation…Monday and Tuesday went well but then Wednesday….(cue scary music).

George was in a horrible mood and was just so unkind…and unexplainably angry.

I walked into him behaving this way. It was nothing that I could have done but yet… I took it personally.

I got very sad on the inside…I wanted to leave and go home. I didn’t want to deal with it.

The parents work from home…but they were working and were unable to help. They shut the doors to their bedrooms and gave George his ipad so he would be quiet.

Clay and I did the best we could to distract ourselves…we played hockey in the garage…connect four…but it was just this pit in my stomach that wouldn’t go away.

I started to get angry with George for his behavior.

And then…I was angry with myself.

I must see things in George that I am afraid of for myself.

He loves to be in control…and so do I. He loves to be the boss…and I guess I do too.

He is under a tremendous amount of pressure for his age. He is 7 and the family has sincere hopes and dreams for him to make it to the NHL.

His outlet is hockey but it’s also his stressor. His outlet is smushing Clay down and anyone he can pronounce he is better than…including me.

He eventually got out the mood…but it felt like hell on earth for me.

I had a bad day…they are not all like this…but when they are…I want to hide away.

Published by gracefuladdict

I am a true addict living my life one day at a time in recovery. I have been substance free -meaning NO drugs or alcohol since 5/23/10. My intention is to share my experiences daily in the hopes to free others from the fears of being who they truly are. My wish is to bravely tell my truth so others can tell theirs as well. I want to be free of self hatred and doubt. I want to live a life of joy, kindness, love and grace. Thank you!

34 thoughts on “I took it personally 4/22”

  2. It is going to be interesting to see within him, within them both…that you won’t be there anymore as they will both be in school. Is it his reaction to that? Are they both reacting, each in their own way. Clay I would understand as he expresses that truth within him and you can relate to it easily…but George, he doesn’t express too well so it may be as a stronger anger in that loss of you. And maybe that is hurting you ‘because’ you do want it to be a good time because it is your last time with them…but you are only getting an anger instead 😀❤️🙏

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    1. It’s a whole mess of all those emotions and all three of us are trying to deal with them❤️ I am feeling it all – the love the loss the changes – it’s all beautiful but some of it just stings me right in my ass! For lack of better terminology 😂💕😂

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  3. Hang in there. You survived a bad day!! Yay!! Yes, it sucked, but you are alive and healthy in recovery and get to go home after and poor George has too much on his plate and other things may be happening that you don’t know. Maybe he needs help while hiking or fishing voicing his fears, anger, sadness, frustration, whatever. Maybe open-ended questions with some guidance? Just thinking out loud. Or maybe he needs a break or encouragement or a hug or a gift. I am not very good at guessing, not knowing him, but in my experience with my kids, it is almost always not about me/personal. My imagination is too big. Think overworked little boy and outside the box. How would you feel as a kid to be preasured to someday loose all your teeth in the NHL? Lol😃 You got this. Pray about it.❤️

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  4. Mark’s question was the same one I had. If they gather you are leaving them, no matter the cause, it may cause more acting out. That isn’t your fault, but has to be managed.

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    1. I’m not sure of how much they know about me leaving…but they do know and this is typical for kids to act out. I am just striving to not take it so personally and let it sting me so much 🙏❤️🙏

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  6. I’m so sorry to hear that your day was so tough. I know those days well. I’ll be honest, but first thought is some pretty harsh opinions on the parents but I’ll save those. I feel bad for the kid, he will have a tough road ahead. I hope today is better for you!

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  7. Aw. I used hockey as an outlet at that age too. It didn’t work for me. If anything it made me feel worse. Made me more numb to any real feelings. Also maybe he’s sensing something big on the horizon too. Kids have a sixth sense – we all loose this spidey-sense when we get older. The waters may get choppier perhaps before the calm returns. By your history with them it’s not a reflection on your professionalism. This too shall pass. [2 cents hitting coffer]. Be well.

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  8. As an elementary teacher, I can so identify with your experience, Danielle! It’s hard not to take it personally when a child is taking a proverbial flame thrower to the world.

    A wise head principal one told me, on a day I felt depleted by a few kids: “David, you’ll always have another chance.”

    Danielle, you’ll have many more chances with Clay—to help mold him into the young man he’s already becoming.

    Think about Annie Sullivan working with Helen Keller, and get back in there, girl!

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  12. Today’s children are under unbelievable pressure. Everything is up for dispute…even their sexual identity at such young ages. They are not adequately protected from what’s in the world so they can develop normally. Even a mother cat does a better job raising her kittens than humans do raising their young these days!

    My two granddaughters are constantly given their iPad whenever they start ‘acting up’ and interfering in the adult ebb and flow of the household. Children are becoming addicted to their devices at younger and younger ages. My youngest granddaughter is only 3 but she’s aleady addicted to her iPad.

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    1. It absolutely makes things a bit more difficult when rather than dealing with the feelings – they are given a distraction that can be very addictive 😩
      I do my best to address the issues when everyone is calm…iPads and tv are not part of my daily routine with the boys. We only use it as a special treat- but ice cream and a walk together work even better ❤️

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  13. So sorry for the less than ideal day, D. More fodder for observing and learning, right? 🤪
    7 years old and he’s being groomed for the NHL??? What the heck are parents thinking? Reminds me of the book ‘The Midnight Library’ by Matt Haig. A good book about all of the possible outcomes in our lives and choosing your path yourself and not the one others want you to lead. Recommended!

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    1. Ooooooh I would like to read that – thank you Eliza!
      Mom and Dad both are hockey players – college until injuries. Mom almost went to the Olympics.
      It’s a whole different mentality- extreme focus….it’s a wee bit tough to wedge my laughter and spirit in the cracks – but I still do♥️
      However – these days will occur where I wants to rip my hair out and run freeee❤️❤️❤️🙏

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  14. When I’m having a bad day it helps to remind myself that I can start the day over whenever I choose. It sounds like you eventually did that. People can make life hard—especially the ones we love and care about. Keep on keeping on. It works if you work it. Blessings.

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