Starting over 2/1

At the age of 35 I entered into a life of recovery. I am currently 48 years old. I had gone to a detox that I don’t much remember and then onto a rehab. I was given a chance to have all of the drugs leave my system in a protected environment. But then I

Accepting insults 1/31

I have been told numerous times that I don’t know how to accept a compliment. This might be true. When people focus their attention on me and tell me about myself…it’s a bit uncomfortable. And this topic raises a question for me. If I accept your compliments…don’t I have to accept your insults as well?

Trying to hard 1/30

There have been many situations in my life where I was trying to “make” something work. Before entering into recovery I tried to make daily substance abuse fit into my life. But time and time again I was shown that this was a disastrous path to keep embarking on. A moment of clarity and love

Blackouts 1/29

When I was drinking blackouts were a common occurrence. I lost many nights and some days especially towards the end of my using. There is nothing worse than waking up and not knowing what you did the night before. Who did I talk to…did I drive? And the most horrifying feeling…is my son ok? I

Button pushers 1/28

There are certain people in my experience that bring about different emotional reactions. Clay (5) and George (7) my charges; can definitely push my buttons. My son can…my mom…different people with different energies cause something inside of me to be triggered. I was listening to a Shaolin Master named Shi Heng Yi on youtube about

My trash looks different 1/27

It might sound trite to some. But for anyone who has ever been caught up in the disease of addiction – be it with alcohol, drugs and even food you might relate. I was taking my trash out the other day and I noticed at the top – the things that were exposed – were

Silly but I’ll share it 1/26

So I think this might fall into the superstitious category. We all know the common ones like a broken mirror is 7 years bad luck, a black cat crossing your path, death comes in threes or not to walk under a ladder. Sports players won’t shave their beards or cut their hair when they are

A “shit fit” 1/25

So I had a moment over the weekend – and I wasn’t sure I was going to share it…but here it goes. I had what I call an absolute unnecessary “shit fit” or as some can refer to them as a “mind attack”. I was out walking on a cold but beautiful Sunday morning and

Keep death close 1/24

I heard a retired Green Beret named Tu Lam share his experience about becoming addicted to pain killers while serving in the military. This man was a highly decorated military figure and served the country for 23 years. He retired honorably but addicted to drugs. There were many reasons as to how he became addicted

My true place 1/23

Yesterday I was walking and listening to Emmet Fox’s book ‘Sermon on the Mount’. At the end of the book he gives his interpretation of the Lords Prayer. Line by line he dissects it and gives it meaning. First I have to say…listening to this portion of the book made my whole soul sing. It