Another drinking dream 10/27

Last night in my 10 millionth drinking dream, I picked up a bottle of Heineken and I drank it in front of my family out of spite! I don’t even like Heineken. In the dream I was pissed (angry) at my brother because he was moving all of his stuff over to my house. When

Energy in Motion 10/26

I have heard the term emotion described as energy in motion. This makes perfect sense to me. One emotion does not stay very long. Therefore they must be moving. When I was using in active addiction I could only really get in tune with one emotion and that was desperation to “get and have more”.

A soul sickness? 10/25

I have heard the disease of addiction referred to as a soul sickness. A malady of the soul. I think I shall disagree with this. My soul was never sick. My person was. ( and sometimes still is) I feel that my soul, my spiritual energy has always been pure and connected to its source.

I am such a liar 10/24

A friend requested the topic of self honesty for a post. This topic comes up frequently in recovery. Finding the “truth” of who I am. What I have found is that my MIND is quite the little liar. This mind, when allowed… will twist me up into a knot and then turn around and blame

The belly Laugh 10/23

There is nothing more fun and healing for me than a genuine belly laugh. When I was caught up in active addiction, I did not laugh much at all. I could not really feel much aside from daily desperation. But when I came into recovery and I was in rehab….I remember my first true belly

It’s just me, it’s always me 10/22

A story by Thich Nhat Hanh “A monk decides to meditate alone. Away from his monastery, he takes a boat and goes to the middle of the lake, closes his eyes and begins to meditate. After a few hours of undisturbed silence,he suddenly feels the blow of another boat hitting his. With his eyes still

Putting God first 10/21

When I was in active addiction the most important thing to me was getting and remaining high. I put substances WAY above everything in my life. They called the shots. I was at their mercy. I ran to get more even if my boy was asleep in his bed. I chased an empty promise. For

Painfully beautiful 10/20

Today I witnessed one of the most beautiful things I have ever seen in my recovery. The fact that I was even there was gods grace. Divine timing, a set up from the angels and fairies of the Universe. Call it what you will…but I was supposed to be at work and I was not.

My disease vs My spirit 10/19

This is what my disease sounds like: (loud) You have nothing to offer Nobody cares Fuck it I don’t care They are all full of shit You don’t need recovery meetings You can have just one You will screw it up You are better off alone You just hurt others Suicide is an option by

What i think you think….10/18

Is absolutely none of my business! Coming into recovery I started to understand the way I had been raised or conditioned. In my home – it was instilled that I had to have a “good reputation”. I was representing my family and therefore, I was to portray myself as “society” would most accept me. I