New 3/15

I am currently learning about creating.

I have been listening to a man named Joe Dispenza who helps people shift from survival mode to creation mode.

Everything begins with thought. He claims that we bring forth 90% of yesterdays thoughts into the present day…leaving minimal room for the new.

This made sense to me.

I get up everyday trying to put out fires from the day before. Making sure this is done and that is taken care of…bills, home, animals, children, friends…car…the same life stuff that I live everyday.

To live in the new sounds exhilarating to me.

New thoughts is where I begin.

The first thought is I don’t want to just survive in this life…I want to create in it.

Maybe I’ll create a mess – ha ha – but that’s ok too.

To change is to create 3/14

I have become aware of some patterns in my life that I would like to change. Fortunately I am in recovery and I know change is possible.

The first step is the awareness of the behavior that does not serve me any longer. Today the behavior for me is a lack of trust for others and an unworthiness feeling in myself.

Maybe I don’t trust myself…

That sounds about right.

I have heard this phrase time and time again in recovery: “If you continue to do what you have always done you will continue to get what you have always gotten.”

Time to create a new version of myself. This version will trust and feel worthiness beyond my wildest dreams.

I am smiling as I write this…yay!

I understand that I have been conditioned in many ways for many years to believe certain things that – I frankly no longer want to believe.

So I will catch myself, and those OLD thoughts…and I will place my focus on creating the version of me that can and will exist in the future.

Addicts are everywhere 3/13

It’s true. We are everywhere.

Some of us might be in active addiction and some of us might be in recovery.

We are in your work place, your friend groups and families.

We work in the schools, at the grocery stores and coffee shops. We pump your gas and we are your physicians.

We help others sometimes before we help ourselves.

Chances are if you are reading this…than you might struggle with an addiction yourself or you know of someone who does.

The purpose of this post is gentleness.

Not everyone who struggles with an addiction finds recovery.

Its a war within – with an infinite amount of battles – until the soul surrenders.

We hope the soul surrenders while the addict is still on earth…but that’s not always the case.

I am blessed to have surrendered while I am still here.

Thank you god.

Luxury problems 3/12

There are many reasons why I go to recovery meetings. But the one that stood out last night was regarding perspective.

When I sit in a meeting and all of the days worries fall off of me…I listen.

I listen to others share their pain, their joy and their indifference. I listen to people who are seeking to feel better and/or to comfort another with their experiences.

Last night an addict named Joe shared how he was once homeless – shoeless and walking the streets spending every dime he could get his hands on his addiction.

He didn’t have shoes…and he would beg, borrow and steal to get his drugs.

Joe has been clean for some time now. His said his life is exactly what he dreamed of as a child. He has a beautiful wife, a home and three healthy children. He told us that as a kid all he wanted was to be a dad. And today he is one…a clean one.

He also shared how he was in the grocery store the other day and he had a fit that toothpaste was $4.00 dollars!!

This made us all laugh…he had come from not even having shoes and spending insane amounts of money on drugs…to being upset over the cost of toothpaste.

He chuckled and said “Luxury problems!”

What we want most 3/11

There is a line in a piece of recovery literature that states: ” What we want most is to feel good about ourselves.”

When I read that the other night at a meeting I realized I had been only getting a portion of that statement.

I have always “wanted to feel good” but I was missing the “about ourselves” part.

I used drugs and alcohol…to feel good. I have made so many decisions in my life – to try and feel good.

But the key in this phrase is “about ourselves”.

My actions need to shift from “feeling good” to “feeling good about myself.”

I get it.

When I feel good about myself…everything feels good.

Alex 3/10

I have a friend named Laura who I met when I first walked through the doors of recovery. She hugged me and we have been connected ever since.

Tragically and suddenly in August of 2019 she lost her daughter Alex. Alex was 22 years old and she did not wake up one morning…and things have never been the same.

The moment I heard of her passing I was sitting at my desk looking out the window in shock and I saw a white feather floating beautifully and gently through the air. I knew it was Alex getting her wings so to speak.

I occasionally receive visits in my dreams from this precious girl.One happened the other night and I will share with you the actual text messages between Laura and I.

It is so beautiful to me when we can connect with these angels on the other side. Thank you Alex for making your presence known.

Secrets 3/9

Last night my son Tyler who is 20 years old told me some things that his mind has been telling him.

These are unpleasant thoughts and he has been struggling with them for about a week.

He was relieved when I told him “you don’t have to believe every thought that you think.”

But his mind has been relentless as they sometimes are and his thoughts frighten him and he is having trouble understanding them.

I have to remember that I did not understand my own mind until I was about 37 years old. I entered into recovery at 35 but couldn’t really understand things for at least 2 years.

So when I went to bed last night the phrase I have heard many times came into my mind: “Secrets keep you sick.”

Tyler is not keeping these thoughts secret. He’s telling me.

I got out of bed and told him this very thing. I explained that if he was really sick than he wouldn’t have the courage and the fortitude to tell on his brain.

I also told him that he has my permission to tell those thoughts “Thanks for sharing -now F**ck off and go away.”

Maybe I’m here to…

Maybe I’m here to:

Help another
Take a hit of pain so that another person can correct or set themselves right
Be a presence of kindness
Love those that don’t feel loved
Fall down
Get back up
Connect with the sweet energy that nature provides
Connect with the deceased to reinforce my eternal nature
Create
Laugh
Let them know god exists
Have fun
Be happy
Enjoy it ALL

Good stuff 3/7

Recovery meetings 3/6

A few days ago I posted a poem that reminds me of the recovery meetings I attend “Gather up” – a poem .

Some of the responses that I received made my heart ache a little.

I felt that some people may not experience people and places that are – safe and non judge mental.

By safe I mean free to be yourself.

I do not use drugs/alcohol any more but I still need meetings. I need a connection with others that fosters unconditional love.

Everything appears to be circular. When I am loved unconditionally it empowers me to love myself…without conditions and then in turn I love others in the same way.

Unconditional love is the greatest force in the universe…for me. It has healed me when I thought I could not be healed.

It comes from animals and nature but it also comes from people.

Addicted or not…recovery meetings hold this love and this reverence for life.

All are welcome at meetings.