The first phone call 6/29

Posted bygracefuladdictPosted inUncategorized

My son called me for the first time – I am writing this minutes after we hung up.

Or shall I say…I hung up.

Ugh…this is a process for both of us.

He left and moved out of our home over 2 weeks ago…very angry.

Then the other day I received a hopeful and kind text message from him. It warmed my heart.

Today – there was a phone call.

It started out beautifully…I loved hearing his voice and he sounded well.

But then…

We started talking about him coming to get his things.

Lets just say we both had different ideas on how that should be handled.

He became angry (again)…and I became hurt.

I couldn’t or wouldn’t handle the anger that was coming at me…so I hung up.

I then received a heart wrenching text – in a nut shell telling me I have failed as a mother and that I have now lost the only son I have – and he is blocking me and cutting me out of his life…for good.

I know these are just words.

I know it is not true.

But for him…in this moment…he is fueled with anger – towards me and himself.

I love him so much…

I will stay here with that love until his heart returns to its proper place.

Published by gracefuladdict

I am a true addict living my life one day at a time in recovery. I have been substance free -meaning NO drugs or alcohol since 5/23/10. My intention is to share my experiences daily in the hopes to free others from the fears of being who they truly are. My wish is to bravely tell my truth so others can tell theirs as well. I want to be free of self hatred and doubt. I want to live a life of joy, kindness, love and grace. Thank you!

33 thoughts on “The first phone call 6/29”

  1. He needs to find his own way in life, because you can’t and shouldn’t be there forever for him, otherwise you are just going to hold him back.
    He needs to spread his wings and fly (or stumble) under his own power, for better or worse.
    You have done the best you could, always remember that.
    Time for you to relax and enjoy the summer. (it’s winter here and cold…)

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    1. You are absolutely correct my friend- I have brought him as far as I can and he seems to need to experience MORE of this life – it’s his turn to fly and stumble and my turn to kick back. Where are you that it’s wintertime ???

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  4. Now, I do not ‘know’ this Danielle…but…he ‘may’ just want to find his way, ‘his way’. Now I know truly you love him to bits…but…can you love him enough to allow those first footsteps on his own. Your ‘suggestions’ even may be biting him because it makes him feel that ‘he’ can’t do it, or even make him feel you don’t trust him to do this.

    I know you love him beyond words and want nothing but the best. I personally found that I had to really let go, even to the point when I could see something wrong, but had to let my son face it himself because no matter what I said and did, it was taken as not having that trust to let him do it. I think it is part of that ‘belief’ in themselves they are trying to form.

    Regardless, he knows you love him and I know you do, if not more so because of that protection that any mother has when her young’un leaves the nest. His specific journey has more complications than most, as does your protection because of that. I have no doubt there will be trips and stumbles for you both, and you have my best wishes for a journey that will slowly balance even in its ups and downs. It is those struggles that truly make that beautiful love within ❤️🙏

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    1. Phewwwe – yes. There’s a big part of me that understands the necessity of his struggles and his victories – his life experience is not meant to be mine – it’s his. And if anger is the fuel that allows him to focus on him and his needs – that’s ok too. The love is the letting go – not owning or trying to own someone else’s journey by trying to provide the path….his path his journey – I think that’s tomorrows post 🌈✍️🙏

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  7. Sometimes it’s easier to leave a person if they are mad at you. Anger is really fear. He will be back. I believe his emotional outburst is a temporary thing. Hang in there.

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  8. Oh, this sounds so familiar to me. I think sons have a hard time leaving home, part of them wanting to go and the little boy inside wanting to stay. I’m guessing if he is like my (32-yr.old!) son, keeping things of his here is like holding on to that childhood that he loved and felt safe. My guy gets really angry still if I ask him to clear out old stuff and it has been over 10 years! Hang in there, he’ll come round. 💜

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    1. Haha! Thank you Eliza – it definitely makes it more real if he has to get his belongings. And he definitely only wanted to get what “he” wanted and leave the MESS ( of epic proportions by the way) for me. I – am not allowing that today 🙏❤️

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  10. As a parent who regrets his many failures, I’ve come to see God’s ever faithful promise in Psalm 30:5 come to pass time and time again . . .

    “Weeping may endure for the night, but joy comes in the morning ”

    Wait, pray and take heart Danielle. God loves your son even more than you do, and you have my prayers for Him to touch his soul and restore him to you in His time.

    Keep Looking Up . . . His Best is Yet to Come!

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    1. Thank you Fred – as uncomfortable as this process is for he and I both – my heart stands true and knows the power of love that god/universe and myself have for this boy. This comforts me to know end – as do your kind words and psalm. Thank you my friend.

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