Drinking Dreams 6/12

“Listen for Gods voice in everything you do and everywhere you go. He is the one that will keep you on track.” – Proverbs 3:6

Even though I have not had a drink/drug in over 11 years I still have these horrifying dreams that I have used! I actually had one of these last night.

The feeling of taking the drink or pill or whatever it is in the dream is not the nightmare part of the dream. The nightmare is the obsession, or that beast that is awakened within me. It is the chase of the next one and how the hell am I going to hide what I have done from the world! That is the true nightmare.

I get these dreams often, probably once every 2-3 months. Sad thing is that I don’t even enjoy drinking in the dream. I don’t get a great “high” feeling. I get an immediate sense of “how am I getting another one” and “I hope to god nobody finds out”.

I have had dreams where I am in a meeting, everyone around me has no idea that I have used the night before and I have a gut wrenching feeling because I know that I used and I am not going to be honest about it. In my dream I sit in that meeting full of anxiety, fear, disappointment and fear of what my life is to become because I took that first one.

The important thing for me with these dreams are the feelings I get from them. First is relief when I wake up! I realize I am ok and it was just a dream. Then I am reminded of just how awful I would feel if I picked up a substance. For me that is a gift of guidance.

I know people who actually have had to go out and experience those feelings in real life. God gives it to me in a dream, a friendly reminder that no drink or drug is worth giving up what I have become today.