A Built in Forgetter 5/20

When I first came into recovery and I heard it shared that we as alcoholics/addicts have a “built in forgetter” I was very confused.

Fresh out of rehab and attending meetings the bruises on my face were healing but my insides were extremely uncomfortable. I thought it ridiculous that I would EVER FORGET the pain and angst I caused myself and my poor son.

Well, at about 6 months clean I was driving to my sponsors house and I saw on the side of the road a half (empty/full) bottle of wine. My brain told me to pull over get it and drink it.

I kept driving but I actually entertained the thought.

In that moment…I forgot. I forgot where that drink or any other substance would lead me to.

Funny thing is that I had money in my pocket. I could have pulled into any bar or liquor store and bought something that was clean and pretty. But that is not how this disease works.

This disease wants me on the side of the road drinking out of a filthy bottle.

This is another reason why I stay close to others in recovery.

We share with each other to help one another survive.

It’s like we are all living in a mine field and if I find one I will tell you all about it in the hopes you don’t step on the same one.

But if you do happen to step on the same bomb then we can find a way to heal together. And then WE share with the others about the bomb that We stepped on and how We survived it.

It’s sharing our experience and strength with the hope that we all can connect to god and heal.

Published by gracefuladdict

I am a true addict living my life one day at a time in recovery. I have been substance free -meaning NO drugs or alcohol since 5/23/10. My intention is to share my experiences daily in the hopes to free others from the fears of being who they truly are. My wish is to bravely tell my truth so others can tell theirs as well. I want to be free of self hatred and doubt. I want to live a life of joy, kindness, love and grace. Thank you!

16 thoughts on “A Built in Forgetter 5/20

  1. And heal you have dear lady. I smoked for a few years and gave it up at about 35 years old. If I smell smoke now it actually makes me sick, I can feel that my body has built up a reaction to it. In fact it has built something against so much, all horrors in our food etc. I even feel this way about politicians…I wonder why…maybe just the bad energy? Our big voting for the government is on tomorrow, they want me to prefer one over another. Are they kidding me 😂 🤣, that position attracts bad energy, even if they want to save the world they get dragged down into the system. It’s the system that needs to change and attract accordingly 😀 ❤️ 🙏🏽 🦋

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    1. In the serenity prayer it states “accept things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference. “ I always struggle with the wisdom part of that equation – especially with political matters. My head is in the sand – I don’t need to know – unless I need to know ❤️♥️❤️🎁✅🤷🏻‍♀️🌈

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  2. You are a brilliant writer and write perfectly what you want to get across. It is a gift and I appreciate your vimulnerability and truth in it. It is inspirational. It is a high purpose.😃❤️

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    1. I have never felt more honest than in writing…and god gives us what we are ready for I guess when we are ready ❤️💜❤️thank you for you feed back and your constant encouragement- it pushes me right along 💜💜💜🌈

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  3. I’ve kept a diary since I was 10 years old. I know that if I hadn’t written so much of my life down on paper, I wouldn’t have been able to remember so much of it. Honestly, sometimes when I read back on my life, it’s like reading a novel … it’s not really me, it’s a character named Polly. But at my age, the events are so long ago & the world was so different that it seems like something in a novel or maybe a movie I once saw.

    Some of the things I do actively remember are at odds with the official record & I often think about how our memory works … the constant self-editing our minds do. I think that’s a self-preservation thing. I also think we forget things as a form of self-preservation.

    One thing that’s amusing … I have all my fourth steps in my diary. One of them, one I did in 1996, is amazingly detailed & filled with why I feel this way toward this person, why I have this resentment, etc. After all these years … some of these people I DO NOT EVEN remember. One woman in particular … if I saw her on the street today, I would walk right by her, not even recognizing her. But back then, she was a huge thorn in my side.

    I would say that I have a great built-in forgetter. LOL

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