This morning I am reflecting and revisiting the past of my active addiction.
I was looking at the photos where my face is all sorts of busted up. More importantly is the blank empty stare that is behind my eyes. (Please see previous post Then and Now for the photos.)
As I was looking I said to myself “holy shit I almost gave up.”
But then I realized….I did give up and that is how I started to become well.
When my self will, my ego, my person, my identity… the outer shell that was created and conditioned to be what it became….gave up…gave it all up….I got well.
I gave it all up and what happened – my soul, my spirit, a power greater than my mind was able to guide me along. One step, one day at a time.
There was definitely one big point of surrender. However, what keeps me in the grace of god is the daily seeking and surrendering.
Knowing that when I am in angst, or anger (fear) that to let it go and give it up is the best way to get well.
It’s giving my mind and all of it’s fancy ideas a rest and allowing the most beautiful source of energy in.