A very yucky thought 5/21

Posted bygracefuladdictPosted inUncategorized

I understand these words.

The disease of addiction – centers in the mind.

I have had to learn a lot about my brain and it’s inconsistent unkind relentless ways.

I have had to learn to “police” these thoughts.

I have had to learn about where they might come from…how to slow them down if they do not serve me – and how to let them go all together.

It is not a one and done type of deal.

It takes some awareness and practice.

So when a horrendous thought hit me the other day – ugh – I had to pay attention.

My current health issues have me taking some hormones that are contributing to some uncomfortableness for me.

Levels of anger and nasty feelings can just take over at any moment.

So when they come – I forget to breathe and I forget that they will pass.

This nasty thought ran across the ticker tape in my brain: “How do people NOT use drugs when they feel like this?“

This is my addict self – looking for a way out – a justification and a good rational reason to use.

This I know.

It still baffles me that my mind can still want me dead on some strange level.

Published by gracefuladdict

I am a true addict living my life one day at a time in recovery. I have been substance free -meaning NO drugs or alcohol since 5/23/10. My intention is to share my experiences daily in the hopes to free others from the fears of being who they truly are. My wish is to bravely tell my truth so others can tell theirs as well. I want to be free of self hatred and doubt. I want to live a life of joy, kindness, love and grace. Thank you!

7 thoughts on “A very yucky thought 5/21”

  1. I think it is one of those things to learn and go beyond it. Like conditional love. We think we have the love thing going well but there is seemingly ever something to prod us in our doubts and fears. And slowly find us beyond it all. And it will do that, slowly easing us into something that will show it is so very worthwhile. In that meantime kind lady, dare to be strong, dare that beyond and dare to love you. Great post Danielle, to share those paths and give hope to us all 😀❤️🙏

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  2. Those attack thoughts get me every time. We are powerless over the initial thought but not what we do with the actions anymore. What an amazing gift! 🎁
    To tell another addict and or god is the freedom from self that we seek and to not use no matter what is —> The remedy for the creepy crawly skin we are wrapped in sometimes, As is a hug, a fire and to smudge and a meeting not necessarily in that order for there are no rules ever .
    AHO! (Thank you) “Hawk Spirit” for flying high and sharing your truth. 🦅🌈💖🥷

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    1. I just keep telling on myself ❤️it does a few things for me – it lightens it immediately (I can sometimes even just laugh) and then it allows it to move through rather than staying stuck in my brain! ❤️I hope all is well David
      I wish they taught this stuff in elementary school 🙂

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  4. God showed me a “white room” to go to when life is overwhelming. There are no walls, floor or ceiling – just whiteness. It is not harsh lighting nor any single source of light just a pervasive white of peace and calm that I can enter and have my mind quieted and my soul healed.

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